Thank You to Parents

A couple weeks ago I was given an interesting opportunity as my wife headed off for a weekend retreat with her coworkers.  I wondered about what I could possibly do with two small children for an entire weekend.  You see, there has been a balance in our house where we take turns caring for the children to give each other a break, but during these seventy-two hours it would be all on me.  Now I know what some of you may be thinking, “Come on, how many single parents do this day in and day out” or “How many stay-at-home moms do this every day?”  It’s true that many parents are fully equipped to handle this challenge however this weekend with my children opened my eyes to a variety of thoughts.

First, there were several challenging moments throughout the weekend where I wondered what we would do, how I would survive or how the children would survive.  I think if we were all honest this would be something that every parent can resonate with.  We get so excited to raise our children during the pregnancy but then life throws a variety of challenges at us that we were never expecting or prepared to handle with them.  Despite these challenges our role is to love our children unconditionally and care for them because they are ours.  A great example of this is to think about the part that God plays in His desire to have a personal relationship with us.  God loves us and accepts us daily, despite the mistakes or shortcomings that we may exhibit.  We should love our children in the same way, unconditionally, even when it hurts.

The second thought happened on the first night when my son woke up crying because he had gotten sick all over his bed.  As I was cleaning up the mess and him, he simply looked at me with tears in eyes and said, “I’m sorry daddy for getting sick.  My heart completely broke because I wondered if my attitude had conveyed that I was frustrated with him.  As I sat on the floor with him cradled in my arms, I reminded him that I loved him and cared for him despite this inconvenience.  This experience made me think about the way that I talk to and communicate with my children daily.  Am I sending a message of love, compassion, and care or rather one of judgment and ridicule?  I realized in that moment the effect that I will forever have on the lives of my children.

Finally, when the weekend drew to a close and mommy returned home there was great rejoicing from all parties.  However, what grabbed my attention the most was the recollection that the kids shared with my wife about all of our adventures from the weekend.  After they finished their whirlwind stories, they stopped and looked at me and said “Thank you daddy.”  My heart was so grateful because of all the time and energy that I put into that weekend, investing in them, caring for them, cleaning up after them, which are all parts of being a parent.  However, I wondered how many other parents don’t ever hear the words, “Thank you” from their children.  I know that these words become increasingly less as children get older but as parents we need to know that we are appreciated and valued for all of the long hours and hard work that we pour into our children.

So if no one has ever told you, as parent what you do matters and is important.  The investment, love and care that you show your children will forever impact their lives.  Your influence may never be known to your children until they are adults, if ever, but thank you for investing in them.  Thank you for pouring your heart into your children.  Thank you for loving them unconditionally.  Thank you for being there for them.  Thank you for being the best parent you can be to your children!

When Was the Last Time You Took a Break?

Rest, the mere word stirs up a variety of emotions within us.  We long to rest, gain refreshment, and feel revitalized, however there simply never seems to be enough hours in the day to complete our work and gain adequate rest for our bodies and souls. 

I used to believe this myth (primarily in high school) as I scurried through life trying to complete my homework, work at my job, and compete in sporting competitions/practices.  Despite my best efforts I would fall asleep exhausted only to wake up the next morning feeling even more tired.  This pattern continued until a wise professor in college gave us an assignment in time management.  For seven days, we were to note how we spent our time, hour by hour, and then write a reflection paper on what we discovered at the conclusion of the experiment.  I remember reflection upon the notes of how I spent my time, only to find that I was wasting a significant amount of time primarily on video games and watching movies.  When we began to discuss this assignment our professor emphasized the need for not only time management but also for rest.  He challenged us to work diligently during six days of the week, in order to take a Sabbath on the seventh day.  He cited two particular passages from the Bible, the creation story where God rested on the seventh day and the Ten Commandments.  In those commandments, we see that God instructs the nation of Israel, “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work” (Exodus 20:8-9).  After completing this assignment, I remember diligently trying, as I still do today to take a Sabbath at least one day a week.  While this is a weekly challenge sometimes, it is necessary to refresh our bodies and our souls.

            This past week, I asked our students how many of them try to take a little bit of time for rest and rejuvenation.  The answer stunned me as many of them cited that they could not take time to rest because of the quantity of homework they had, the demands of their sporting teams/band/choir/extracurricular activities, boyfriends/girlfriends, or other demands that constantly cried out for their attention.  I have to admit that I was saddened by the message that our world is sending to this generation, which to me seems to be work harder and faster (all the while neglecting your own limitations) in order to achieve more status/rewards.  This approach to life truly discourages me as we should be taking time for rest.

Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with God and to discuss with your students.  “How do you define rest?”  As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about if you are trying to leverage God against Himself and what steps you could take more accurately align your use of the name of God with what God truly represents.  Our story with God started over 3,500 years ago when Moses had a conversation with God on the side of a mountain, in which God asked Moses one simple question, “Will you trust Me?”  We are given that same opportunity today as we remember “God can be trusted to provide.”

What's So Special About God's Name?

          Over the past few weeks our students have been working through the Ten Commandments that God gave to Moses over 3,500 years ago.  There has been interesting discussion as we have wrestled with why the commandments are in the order they are, what they really mean, and how they apply to our lives today.

            

          This past week focused on the third commandment which states, “You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God” (Exodus 20:7).  As a child I recall my parents teaching me this commandment constantly particularly tied to moments when I lost my temper or became upset.  However, through the years I have often wondered that if this commandment is solely referencing not using God’s name is a negative way when I am angry, why is it number three on the list?  That seemed a little high to me and the fact is that I misunderstood the meaning behind this commandment. 

As I reviewed this commandment more in depth, I came to understand that it did not simply apply to times when I lost my temper but to something more.  This command actually teaches us that we are not to associate God’s name with anything that God is not associated with.   In other words we should not manipulate, abuse, or mishandle the name of God.  The clearest example that I can think of happening during my four years of undergraduate work at a small Christian college in Indiana was when I witnessed people in dating relationships play the “God Card.”

Here is what I mean by this:  The college I attended was small, to the point that everyone knew everyone else.  Which meant you knew about the dating lives of other people as well.  For four years we watched couples begin dating, fall in love, and then out of the blue break-up because “God told them to.”  I never understood this until one day when I had a conversation with a fellow student who had ended several relationships with the phrase, “God told me to break-up with you.”  During this conversation, he told me that he would date a girl until he got “bored” and then rather than try to find a reason to break-up with her, he would simply tell her that God told him to.  I struggled with this at the time for reasons that did not become apparent until a couple of years later.  I realized that this young man was misusing the name of God because he was using God as an excuse or “playing the God card.”  God had not told him to break-up with the girl, yet time after time we would see young ladies heartbroken because of this young man’s misuse of God’s name.  Years later, I now realize that God doesn’t want us to misuse, abuse, or manipulate His name but to regard it with the sacred and holy attention that it deserves.

Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with God and to discuss with your students.  “On a scale of 1 to 10, how close to God would you say you are right now?”  As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about if you are trying to leverage God against Himself and what steps you could take more accurately align your use of the name of God with what God truly represents.  Our story with God started over 3,500 years ago when Moses had a conversation with God on the side of a mountain, in which God asked Moses one simple question, “Will you trust Me?”  We are given that same opportunity today as we remember “When you use the name of god to dodge the Will of God, you will ultimately miss out on God entirely.”  

Out of the Box Mentality

Once upon a time there was a young man who lived a good life.  He went to church on Sunday mornings, volunteered at a local soup kitchen, read his Bible occasionally, and prayed when he needed something.  He considered himself “religious” and felt like he was in good standing with God.  He would go through this routine and believed that everything would ultimately work out.  However, this young man had a secret.  Despite his “connection” to God during the weekend he would start every week the same way.  He would have a conversation with God early Monday morning that went something like this:  “God thank you for taking care of me this weekend and while I want to honor you, I know there are some things at my work that you wouldn’t be proud of.  I know that some of my friends wouldn’t appreciate or understand it if I talked about you.  So as is the case with every week I want to put you in this box and leave you on the shelf here at home while I go about my business this week.  Once Saturday morning hits again, I will get you out and we have another conversation.  Have a good week.”

While this fictitious story may seem a little far-fetched, how many of us do this with God weekly or even daily?  We tend to make God so small, and we squeeze and push Him into this little box that we may or may not pay attention to, which allows us to live how we want.  But God knows that even if this is our tendency, this is not what it looks like to have a real relationship.

God wants to be the center of every decision, the One you go to for everything. And God wants to make sure you don’t make Him just one part of your life.  God outlined this in the first two commandments that he gave to Moses over 3,500 years ago.  The first commandment states, “You shall have no other gods before me.” (Exodus 20:3) and the second says, “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below”  (Exodus 20:4)  Behind these first two commandments, we don’t discover a God who is insecure or wants attention for attention’s sake, but a God who understands that our lives work better when He’s in the center, and He remains God-not compact, compartmentalized, and small.  And because He loves us, He wants what is best for us.

Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with God and to discuss with your students.  “Why is it easier to want God involved in certain areas of your life over others?”  As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about if you are putting God in a box and what steps could you take to move God more towards the center of your life if He’s not there already.  Our story with God started over 3,500 years ago when Moses had a conversation with God on the side of a mountain, in which God asked Moses one simple question, “Will you trust Me?”  We are given that same opportunity today as we remember “the most important decision we make is what we place at the center of our lives.”

What’s More Important to God … Rules or a Relationship?

For the past several years I have heard the phrase, “God wants to have a personal relationship with you” stated throughout several churches, conferences, and even from own mouth.  There is power in this statement however, for several people the power is never fully understood.  I have known many people who have been hurt by the church or other Christians because when they noticed something was missing in their lives and decided to explore if Christianity was the path for them they were met with people saying, “Here’s a bunch of rules.  Do the best you can.  And if you do well, God will accept you.”  Needless to say, shortly after this statement is made many of them turn away, never to return to any church or God again.

But here’s the thing, God never said anything like that.  He never implied, inferred, modeled or illustrated that.  In fact, He did the exact opposite.  Relationship always precedes rules with God.  And the biggest thing to God came before the Ten Commandments, back when the Israelites were in Egypt.  It was at that point that God initiated the relationship by simply asking the question, “Will you trust Me?”

For me I began to understand this at an overnighter when I was fourteen years old.  I listened to a pastor preach his heart out talking about God desiring a relationship with me, which was something that I had never really understood even though I had spent the previous twelve years in church weekly.  You see our family went to church every week, because it was the right thing to do not because we had a personal relationship with God.  For years, I was given the rules to be a “good person” by the church and tried to live in them with the understanding that my performance would gain God’s approval.  However, as I sat on that gym floor around 2:00 am I realized the depths of God’s love wasn’t rooted in a set of rules but solely in the fact that God loves me!  On that night I realized, God gives us rules, laws, and commandments because He loves us, not as a way for us to prove something to Him.  God has given us laws, rules, and commandments because we are already in, not as a means of getting in.

Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with God and to discuss with your students.  “Based on your experience what do you think are some of God’s rules?”  As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about where your personal relationship with God is and what steps are you taking to further yourself on the journey.  Our story with God starting over 3,500 years ago when Moses had a conversation with God on the side of a mountain, in which God asked Moses one simple question, “Will you trust Me?”  We are given that same opportunity today as “Relationship always precedes rules with God.”

Improving Your Sibling Relationships

          This week our students wrapped up their series on family by looking at another area in their family that they don’t have control over, their siblings.  We discussed how our relationships with our siblings typically go and how to remedy them.  As we walked through this discussion we found that our relationship with our siblings typically has a few responses:

• When we are annoyed, we want control
• When we are hurt, we want payback
• When we are overwhelmed, we want isolation

          As you can see none of these responses are healthy to have a better relationship with our siblings but rather they further separate us from them.  As you think about your own relationship with your siblings do you fall into one of the categories listed above or something similarly destructive?  If you find yourself trapped in one of these categories then my challenge to you is simple, or at least it appears that way.  Think about the last time you said, “I love you,” or I’m praying for you” to your sibling and actually meant it.  How did that change your relationship with them?  Maybe your sibling has done something very destructive to your family, and you need to spend some time forgiving them in your heart and then letting them know that you have let it go and desire to move forward with your relationship.

It’s easy for us to say “I love you,” “I’m praying for you” or “I forgive you.”  But what would happen if you actually spent some time searching your heart and genuinely meant these phrases as you communicated them to your siblings?  How would your relationship with them be different?  By saying these things, we are not only communicating our love to our siblings but more importantly that we accept them for who they are.

Listen to this amazing story that helped me understand how powerful acceptance really is:
A man named Dave once told the story about when he was in 7th grade. Dave had Polio and Cystic Fibrosis, so he had some physical limitations. His older brother Mike was a junior in high school and an incredible basketball player.
Each Saturday, about 25 high school guys gathered at a neighborhood court to play ball. They always decided who played by shooting free throws to see who would be the team captains. 
Well, one particular Saturday, Dave decides he wants to play basketball with the big boys. So he walks out there with all these big, athletic juniors and seniors in high school. And Dave’s brother, Mike, shoots and becomes a captain along with another guy. Mike got first pick, and the other guys stood around, waiting to see who got to play. And then something amazing happened. Mike stuck out his finger, pointed at his little brother and said, “I choose Dave.” And this gangly, physically-limited, shocked 7th grader walked up to his brother, buried his face in his belly, and started weeping. 
Mike didn’t choose Dave because he was a great basketball player. He chose Dave because he loved him.

          Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with your siblings and to discuss with your children.  “Why can it be difficult to have a good relationship with your siblings?”  As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about what the concepts of respect, freedom, and honor mean in your house.  As you work through this issue remember that while you may have a shaky relationship with your siblings currently, you can change that because “Acceptance is powerful.”

Why Should Children Honor Their Parents?

  Over the past couple of weeks our student ministry has been journeying through the maze of how students relate to their parents.  Through this series we have been blessed with wonderful conversations and great questions.  One of the most thought provoking questions came this past week from one of our middle school students.  The question that was raised was, “Why do I as a “child” have to be the mature and responsible one to honor my parents and fight for the relationship when they should be doing this because they are older and the parents?”

As we worked through this question, we explored several reasons that children should honor their parents.
• We (children) focus so much on what our parents are doing that we miss our own role
• You are not responsible for what your parents do, but you ARE responsible for what you do
• Our choice is simple when it comes to how to respond to our parents: Choose to disobey and run away because of how our parents act OR honor them in spite of their decisions.
• When you turn your hearts towards your parents, it turns your relationship towards God
• What if at some point in your next conflict, you stopped, and you did something to communicate, “You are important.  In fact you’re more important than this thing we’re arguing about.”

We finished up the discussion by looking at the fact that all fights in our family come down to one thing, “We aren't getting our way” or more simply perspective.  We find ourselves engaged in arguments with our family members because we see, hear, and feel things differently.  The same message can be conveyed but the way that we hear it, understand it, or experience can be entirely different, leading us into conflict with other family members.  As you think about this question and these themes what issues come to your mind for reasons that children should honor their parents and how we as parents can convey a message of love and respect to our children?

Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with your parents and to discuss with your children.  “What do typically do when you don’t get your way?”   As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about what the concepts of respect, freedom, and honor mean in your house.  As you work through this issue remember that while you may have a shaky relationship with your parents or children currently, you can change that because “When you turn your heart toward your parents, it turns your relationship toward God.”

Learning Honor through a Broken Curfew and a Speeding Ticket

          I can remember the rush of freedom that I experienced when I held that new card in my hand and imagined all of the adventures that I could take with it.  I remember thinking that I had finally reached a point of independence and nothing would hold me back.  I was only sixteen but the freedom that came from holding my freshly created driver’s license was overwhelming.  In that moment I suddenly realized that I could be free to come and go as I pleased, or at least I thought.  However, one of the biggest blessings of having my driver’s license was that I could see my girlfriend, who lived 15-20 minutes away, at my convenience.  I remember traveling to her house the first evening after getting my license and feeling like nothing could stop me from doing whatever I wanted.  However, after I underestimated the time it took to get back home from her house the first night and missed my curfew.  The same thing happened the next night and the next night for an entire week.  Needless to say, by the time the end of the week hit I wasn’t feeling invincible but rather walking the fine line between trying to spend as much time with my girlfriend as possible yet not break my curfew again.  As I left my house one week after getting my license my parents told me that if I was late again I would lose my license and car for a period of time.  So much for independence and freedom, as I now found myself bordering losing it all.  That evening I kept a careful eye on the clock and when the time came to leave I left, alright in all honesty I left a few minutes late again.  I began the furious drive home to make in time to meet my curfew and then it happened.  I suddenly looked in my rearview mirror to see red and blue lights flashing and knew I was in more trouble than simply losing my license and car for a few days.  I received my first ticket, which was for a considerable amount of money since I was driving at reckless driving speeds on a country road.  As I pulled into the driveway of my house that evening, I held my breath as I knew that I was in for it.  When I walked in the door I quickly explained everything to my parents, showed them the ticket, and promised that I would pay for it with the money I had saved from my job of waiting tables.  I was genuinely sorry and they saw that in my face and heard it in my words, which led them to simply say, “Go to your room and get some sleep.”  I thought my parents were crazy for this reaction but years later I realized that they knew that I had learned my lesson the hard way and they didn’t need to punish me anymore. 

            I was reminded of this situation again this past week as I read a couple of verses from Ephesians 6, specifically verses one to three.  This passage states, “Children, obey your parents as you would the Lord, because this is right.  Honor your father and mother, which the first commandant with a promise, so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land” (HCSB).  As I read these verses I remembered the fact that by confessing my mistake of being late (not to mention the speeding ticket) and working to find a solution to this problem that I was honoring my parents.  While I didn’t always do a great job with this I did in this case, which showed my parents that I was trying to honor them and allowed me to embrace the benefits that Paul outlines in Ephesians 6:3 stating, “so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land.”  I still had to reap the consequences but only those that were self-imposed because I was willing to honor my parents.  I realized in that moment that rather than reacting to my parents I needed to accept responsibility for my own actions because I’m not responsible for what our parents do, but I am responsible for what I do.”  This same truth is still applicable years later as I can’t change or escape my parents but I can seek to find ways to honor them because I am responsible for what I do.

            Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with your parents and to discuss with your children.  “Do you think respecting your parents will lead to more freedom?  Why or why not?   As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about what the concepts of respect, freedom, and honor mean in your house.  As you work through this issue remember that while you may have a shaky relationship with your parents or children currently, you can change that because “You are not responsible for what your parents do, but you are responsible for what you do.”

Squirrel!!!

            A few years ago there was a movie that came out and one piece quickly resonated with me.  The movie was Up and it wasn’t the storyline that engaged me so much as the character of the dog who was easily side-tracked and the phrase “Squirrel” captured the attention of many people, including myself. 

            I wondered why I identified with this character and particularly this one phrase so much, and then I realized that it is because this is the culture that we live in today.  We often times find ourselves jumping from one new idea to the next.  We see something new, creative, or shiny and instantly we are ready to jump ship to whatever the new “thing” is.  Please understand that I am not shying away from new ideas or creativity but I think there needs to be a balance with where our attention goes because “when we give something our attention, we move in that direction.”  The direction can be beneficial, worthwhile, and even successful but the reality is that we must be careful how frequently we jump to a new “thing” or how quickly we buy into the new idea.  Pastor and author Carey Nieuwhof talks about this concept in his book Leading Change Without Losing It by saying, “When you introduce change in virtually any arena, you get a variety of responses.  They range from ‘enthusiastic embrace’ to ‘deep resistance.’  What notable is that people’s responses are, for the most part, predictable” (p. 34).  He goes on talk about the four main groups of people that can exist when change presents itself which are the early adopters, early majority, quiet majority, and opponents.  This book is a wonderful resource to anyone who may be leading change or encounter it and is available on Amazon at:

http://www.amazon.com/Leading-Change-Without-Losing-ebook/dp/B00AAGM1KG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1381424460&sr=8-1&keywords=leading+change+without+losing+it.

            So with that being said, think about this statement again, “When you give something your attention, you move in that direction.  There are many times throughout our lives that we find ourselves getting sidetracked, hung up on the obstacles, or deterred from our ultimate destination because of something that grabs our attention on the side of the road.  This isn’t a new theme but rather something that has been around since the time of the Bible.  Throughout God’s Word, there are specific examples of God fighting relentlessly for our attention, because of His love for us.  Occurrences of God fighting for our attention are evident through the stories of Moses (Deuteronomy 7:12), David (Psalm 119:35-37), Solomon (Proverbs 4:25-27), and Jesus (Matthew 6:22).   I encourage you to read these verses and think about the great lengths that God has went to capture and keep your attention.  Why does God so passionate about finding ways to keep our attention?  The answer is because He loves you and He would love for you to avoid the pain and frustration that comes when we find that we are lost in a place we never intended to be. 

So my question for you today is, “If you’re not heading in the direction you want, what has got your attention?”

Lessons from the Bearded Boys of Beantown

            Anyone who spends any amount of time with me will quickly discover that I love the Boston Red Sox’s.  What began in college as an attempt to “spite” my best friend, who happens to be a Yankee’s fan, has grown into an obsession.  This obsession has led me to see Fenway Park up close and personal, acquire several pieces of Red Sox memorabilia, and even rub shoulders with a couple of players prior to one of their games.  Overall my desire to follow the Red Sox’s started on a foolish whim but has become something that I love to follow.

            As with any sports team there are high moments and low moments.  Last year I watched the Red Sox struggle through one of the roughest seasons that they have ever had with poor management, a huge payroll, and several off-the-field issues.  Needless to say when everything was said and done they finished last in the division, traded off several of their “key pieces for the future” and fired their manager.  After watching that it was painful to admit that I was a fan of the Red Sox but their winning ways returned this year and taught me several things about leading and working together as a team. 

            After watching the Red Sox this season I noticed four lessons that have impacted my leadership style this season.  First, is watching what they did in the offseason where they had been known to spend a lot of money to get the best players possible, which as we witnessed in the 2011-2012 season blew up in our faces.  However, this past offseason was different as they sought to bring in a quality manager, acquire role players who had outstanding character, and develop new prospects that could better the team.  They were willing to make worthwhile investments without breaking the bank, although they did spend more money than I will probably ever make in my lifetime.  As a leader I wondered about the investments that I make with our students and volunteers.  Are these worthwhile investments?  Do they help to empower and equip our volunteers?  Do our students come to a deeper realization of God’s love for them through our programs?  I firmly believe that these pieces are not only important but being lived into daily.

            The second lesson that I have seen is the need to work together as a team.  Teamwork is something that can easily be overlooked in leadership as each person desires for their ideas to be heard and implemented.  However, listening to the ideas of others, channeling creativity, and working together are invaluable pieces of leadership and help a team function more effectively.  The third lesson ties in nicely with the idea of working together as a team which is trusting in the unique strengths and abilities of each person on your team.  God has blessed each person with special gifts and abilities that should be lived into.  As a team we should be willing to let each other live into our strengths, while acknowledging our weaknesses.  In the world of the Red Sox’s David Ortiz isn’t a threat to steal bases, but Jacoby Ellsbury is, a unique skill that has been developed in over several years.  In the same way in leadership, we need to place our volunteers in positions for the greatest success based on their gifts and talents.  For me, I wouldn’t put someone with a fear of public speaking in front of the youth group to give a lesson, but their administrative gifts may help the ministry to run more smoothly. 

            Finally, is the lesson of believing in yourself and your team.  A year ago there was a small percentage of people who believed the Red Sox’s could win the division, make the playoffs, and have as much success as they have.  A large portion of this group was the players, management, and owners who believed in themselves, worked diligently to achieve their goals, and have been able to celebrate their success.  In the same way as leaders we need to believe in ourselves and our team, while trusting that God will provide numerous success stories for us to share.

            You may not be a Red Sox’s fan but their formula for success this year has led to the most wins in baseball this year.  So as you think about your leadership style are there pieces you can implement to help your team and you succeed?

How I Leaned So Far Into Myself That I Fell On My Face

          I remember the morning of May 9, 2008 so clearly.  On that morning we woke up extra early to drive to the hospital to meet our new son.  That would be the day that joy would overflow as we would hold the little guy in our arms for the first time, kiss his forehead and see him smile.  As we arrived at the hospital we were filled with excitement and anticipation but there was also a sense of unrest that we didn’t want to talk about. 

            After losing our daughter, Callie Grace, we were excited yet nervous about Corban entering the world.  What if something didn’t go just as planned?  What if there were complications?  Was there something that the doctors missed that could cause us more heartache? All of these thoughts were racing through my mind but that all changed when I heard that first “little” cry come out of his mouth.  My wife and I both breathed a sigh of relief as we felt the burden lifted.  However, after walking my son to the nursery for his check-ups, we took a turn for the worse.  Corban began to have trouble breathing and the doctors decided to have him admitted to the NICU.  A couple of days into him being in the NICU things were turning even worse.  I found myself listening to every bell and noise trying to determine what the best course of treatment would be for him.  I remember trying to advise the doctors and nurses of how to care for my son, even though I have limited medical knowledge and they had several other babies to care for as well.  I remember trying to find the best solution to help my son moment by moment which left me exhausted and confused.  About two weeks after he was admitted to the NICU, my wife and I sat down with one of the doctors to have a tough discussion.  She informed us that the treatments weren’t working and if something didn’t change shortly they would have to transport him to a specialty hospital to try to save his life. 

It was at that moment that everything changed for me. I realized that my pushy behavior had damaged the relationship that we had with those caring for my son.  I realized that the listening to every noise and taking pages of notes to try to determine the best course of care had only left me exhausted as the doctor’s knew how to handle his treatment the best.  At that moment, I looked at the doctor with tears in my eyes and said, “I don’t care what it takes, we trust you, just save our little boy.”  At that moment everything changed not only with my own understanding of the situation, but with the relationship we had with the doctors and nurses, the treatment that I saw him receiving, and his overall health.  I realized at that moment that I had been leaning on my own understanding, experience, and knowledge rather than trusting God’s provision. 

            This past week I was reminded of these thoughts and emotions as our students focused on the familiar verses from Proverbs 3:5-6 which says, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths” (HSCB).  As I thought about these verses I recalled the fact that I spent the first two weeks of my son’s life leaning into my own understanding, experience, and knowledge (or lack thereof) rather than trusting in God to care for and heal my son.  As I have thought about these verses during these last few days I recalled the number of times throughout my life that I have leaned so far into myself that I fell face down on the pavement.  After thinking about these situations I realized that God has been reminding me of this lesson for several years. 

So my question for you today is, “What does it look like to lean on God’s understanding?”  As you wrestle with this question think about the choices you have made in your life that have taken you to the path you are on.  Were there times that God wanted you to lean into Him but you chose to lean into your own experience, knowledge, and understanding?  Is there a way to make a shift in your thinking to embrace Solomon’s words in Proverbs rather than trusting in yourself?  I challenge you to be courageous enough to listen for God’s leading in your life and lean into His love for you.

            This Sunday we will finish our series Road Signs which has been designed to have us look at the road signs of life and provide our students and their families with questions for discussion that connect to the lessons we are presenting weekly.  Our hope is that you will continue to join us on this journey as we seek to navigate the road of our lives laid out before us while seeking to be attentive to God’s directions.

What Catching My Garage on Fire Taught Me about Course Correction

          As a child I had a fascination with science, which always interesting to me because I hated math class.  I was always under the impression that the two went hand-in-hand however in my life they never did.  Maybe it was the chemistry or physics but for whatever reason science excited me and I loved learning about it.  Perhaps was the award I won in fifth grade at our annual science fair for doing a project that was well beyond my years and knowledge (although in all honesty it came straight out of our textbook)!  For whatever reason, I loved science and doing experiments that helped me learn more about the world.

One afternoon I decided that I would try an experiment in our garage using a candle, a plastic cup, and rubbing alcohol.  (As a parent I now look back on this experience as one of the most foolish things I ever did as a child).  I began by putting the rubbing alcohol in the cup and lighting the candle.  My thought was that the wax would drip from the candle over the rubbing alcohol and seal it in the cup.  After a couple of sparks, the experiment began to work and I thought I was proving myself right, but then something changed and reminded me why I was a child in the garage and not on a television show doing science experiments.  A piece of the wick broke loose and fell into the cup lighting it and a large section of our wood paneling on the wall on fire.  I quickly tried to think of ways to put out the fire without my parents knowing but then realized the fire was spreading so I yelled for my mom to come and help me.  As she rushed out the door the first concern was getting the spreading fire out, while the second (which I was dreading more) would be the punishment to follow.  We were able to get the fire out and then I had to tell my dad about my “experiment” gone bad when he got home.  I remember thinking that I would receive the punishment of a lifetime because there was (and still is a nice black mark on the garage wall from this); however the result was drastically different.  My dad encouraged my creativity and liked my initiative in trying an experiment.  I explained to him that I could have burnt the entire house down, leaving us homeless, which he understood but yet he encouraged my creativity.  Later I did get grounded for a significant amount of time but that seemed minor in the grand scheme of things.

      This experience however taught me a couple interesting lessons about life.  The first is never to mix any type of alcohol with an open flame.  But the second is that I should have paid more attention to the few “sparks” that popped out of the cup at the start of the experiment rather than ignoring them and catching a portion of the wall on fire.  This past week we challenged our students to look for warning signs in their lives to deter them from pain and hardship.  I understand that not all suffering or pain comes with a warning sign but many times there are small things that could catch our attention if we were looking for them.  Think about your own life and ask yourself what would have happened if I was looking for a warning sign?  Then think about the question, what would have happened if I turned around when I saw it?  Each person and situation will be different but the reality of potentially avoiding pain, suffering, or hardship should present itself.

So my question for you today is, “What will you gain if you change direction in certain areas of your life?”  As you wrestle with this question think about the choices you have made in your life that have taken you to the path you are on.  Were there warning signs along the road?  Were there opportunities to make a course correction on your journey?  Rather than spending time beating yourself up about past decisions, is there a way to make a shift on your path now?  If so I challenge you to be bold enough to take it, making your course correction and hopefully avoiding pain, suffering, or heartache in the future.

            Over the next few weeks we will continue this journey through our Road Signs series which is designed to have us look at the road signs of life and provide students and their families with questions for discussion that connect to the lessons we are presenting weekly.  Our hope is that you will join us on this journey as we seek to navigate the road of our lives laid out before us while seeking to be attentive to God’s directions.

Intensions vs. Direction

          Shortly after getting my driver’s license I remember setting out on a quest to prove that I could get to where I needed to go and do so by myself.  This was partially attributed to the fact that I was a teenager but more so because I wanted to be a man, proving that I could do it alone.  I wanted to begin to establish my independence so what better way than to take a road trip somewhere I had never been before and then come back home all without the help of an atlas or map (keep in mind this was pre-GPS). 

As I began my journey, I believed that I could accomplish anything and that this journey would be life-changing and memorable.  Well, it was both of those things because over an hour later I found myself in some deserted town, literally in the middle of nowhere.  The sun was beginning to set and I knew I was in trouble.  I did what every good man does in this situation, which was sucking up my pride and calling for help.  I dialed my home phone number and waited for my mom or dad to answer the phone.  As I began to describe the situation to them, they didn’t laugh or ridicule me, they simply gave me a few simple instructions of how to get back home.  As I walked in the door that night, they didn’t push the issue because they knew that I had learned my lesson and that it probably wouldn’t happen again (at least not intentionally).

That evening taught me a powerful lesson that I was able to share with our students this past week.  When I set out that evening I had the best intentions of establishing my independence, proving myself as a good driver, and feeling like I had accomplished something.  As I started driving I didn’t plan on getting lost, know when I was getting lost, I just knew that I was lost!  However, despite my good intentions my direction ultimately determined my destination.  That evening taught me the important lesson which was that “Your direction, not your intensions, determines your destination.”  Our culture tells us that as long as your intentions are good, it doesn’t matter what path you take.  But the path you take trumps your good intensions. 

The path we choose with our families, faith journey, words and actions does indeed trump our intentions because it can guide us in a different direction entirely.  An example of this is desiring to have a deeper relationship with God, but when we wake up each morning we check our email, scroll through our Twitter feed, or favorite photos on Instagram.    

So my question for you today is, “Is your direction, not your intensions taking you to the destination that you desire to go?”  As you wrestle with this question think about the differences between intensions and direction, which will help guide you through this process.  (You could start by using these two examples which have transferrable phrases for every area of your life):

·       What are your intensions for your family?  Is the direction you are heading taking you to where you want to go?

·       What are your intensions with your faith journey?  Is the direction you are heading taking you to where you want to go?

            Over the next few weeks we will continue this journey through our Road Signs series which is designed to have us look at the road signs of life and provide students and their families with questions for discussion that connect to the lessons we are presenting weekly.  Our hope is that you will join us on this journey as we seek to navigate the road of our lives laid out before us while seeking to be attentive to God’s directions.

Is Your GPS Broken?

          When I learned to drive at the age of fifteen I always hoped that I would be able to find my destination without getting lost.  I remember learning how to navigate a map because I was still learning to drive before GPS’s were everywhere.  There were a few times that I ended up lost, which is bound to happen, however today I would like to share one joyous experience that happened with my navigation skills.

            After my freshman year in college, I went to work at a church summer camp that I had fallen in love during my high school years.  This camp is very dear to my heart as I have several amazing memories of meeting new friends and having God work in my life there.  When the opportunity presented itself to work on staff at the camp I willingly jumped on board.  Being my first summer after a year of college I was still trying to get used to the whole “being an adult” thing which meant being away from my family most weekends.  One weekend in particular I was scheduled to work the entire weekend, which happened to coincide with our family reunion.  I remember having to tell my parents that I couldn’t be there, who were saddened that their “little boy” wouldn’t be joining them.  However, at the last minute on Friday afternoon our director informed me that we had done such a great job that week, that we could have the entire weekend off.  I became very excited as I thought about what an amazing surprise it would be for me to surprise my parents and the rest of my family at the reunion.  I quickly packed a bag, hopped in the car and drove to one of the few gas stations in town.  I bought an atlas and off I went, however shortly into the drive I realized that I didn’t know exactly where the reunion was, let alone how to get there.  I pulled off on an exit and thought up a plan of contacting another family member who informed me of the location of the hotel and the reunion which led me right back on the road.  A couple of hours later I found myself pulling into the hotel parking lot excited to see my family.  This experience taught me a couple things about driving, directions, and attempting to pull off surprises for other people.  First, I realized that even though my intentions were good about surprising my family, without the proper directions I couldn’t get there.  Second, at the first warning sign (not knowing where I was going); I needed to stop, get some advice, and turn around.  Thankfully since then directions have come pretty easily to me either through our GPS or my phone, but usually after one trip somewhere I can find my way back several times without any assistance.

 

            After thinking back to this story I recalled the number of times our lives are similar to this.  How many times to we get in the car, press the accelerator without any idea of where we are going?  How many times to we ignore the warning or caution signs on the side of the road to get to where we think our destination is?  How do we know if we are even on the right road?  These are all questions that parallel driving and our journey of faith.  We must be willing to acknowledge the road signs of life; before we drift so far off the road we cause damage to ourselves or others.

            As we move through the next few weeks at Refuge, our youth ministry at Faith UMC we will be discussing a series called Road Signs.  Here is a snapshot of this series:  “If you set your course in the wrong direction, you’ll end up in the wrong place every time.  No matter where you hope to end up, the road you choose matters.  The book of Proverbs gives us wisdom to help navigate the choices of life, because we know that each choice determines the direction of our lives.  And it’s our direction, not our intention that ultimately determines our destination.  Where are you heading?  What path are you on?”

            Over the next few weeks we will be journeying through this series looking at the road signs of life and providing our families with questions for discussion that connect to the lessons we are presenting their students.  Our hope is that you will join us on this journey as we seek to navigate the road of our lives laid out before us while seeking to be attentive to God’s directions.

Finding a Pearl in the Mess of Failure

          “There once was a leader who was young and full of ideas.  His mind blossomed with thoughts about what could be in the lives of the students that he ministered to.  He desired to build a ministry that others would envy which would undoubtedly fulfill his calling from God.  This young man devoted his mind and heart to create the best possible events, lessons, and activities for students, which he was sure, would alter their lives forever.  On the night of the first event he prepared the room for several hundred people, only to have a handful show up.  Shortly after the event his phone began to ring from frustrated volunteers, confused parents, and an upset boss.  This young leader couldn’t understand where his plan or desire to impact the world for Christ had gone so wrong.  However, several years later it all became extremely clear through a conversation with a beloved mentor. 

            During this conversation the mentor spoke into the life of the young leader and he discovered the missing element in his ministry, collaboration.  Taking into account the ideas of others was something that this young leader had overlooked because of his lone ranger approach to ministry.  It was on this night that he realized a missing piece in his leadership and altered his approach drastically.”

            Does this story sound at all familiar?  For me, personally, it rings true because it is my story.  As a young leader I believed that I could change the world, solely by myself.  Needless to say it wasn’t until a beloved mentor spoke the truth into my life, that I began to understand the need to listen to and involve others in my ideas.  In all honesty I love the feeling of success much more than the taste of gravel in my mouth from falling on my face.  The need to collaborate with others is something that is crucial to the success of any leader.  The effects of collaboration are numerous however here are three positive effects that deserve attention.

1.    Collaboration creates innovation-Your team will be introduced to ideas and systems they may never encounter otherwise.  This will often lead to fresh thinking and better solutions within your own organization.

2.    Collaboration reduces unnecessary risk-Sharing time, resources, and brainpower makes the risks less.

3.    Collaboration amplifies success-More input leads to more output, which results in a win/win for everyone.

Based on these effects it is safe to say that collaboration breeds success.  We need other people as Mother Teresa reminded us of by saying, “You can do what I cannot do.  I can do what you cannot do.  Together we can do great things.”  In other words we need other people to achieve our goals.  As I thought about this final principle presented in the book The Catalyst Leader I was reminded of the great leaders throughout history.  Were they great because of their decision making, bold spirits, and ability to lead, sure.  But ultimately, I think they were successful because of the people that they surrounded themselves with.  Author C.S. Lewis stated, “The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are.”  In other words, we need the ideas, input, and feedback of other people in order to create something innovative, fresh, and lasting.

So how do we build a spirit of collaboration on our teams?  Here are six keys that Charles Lee, the founder of the Ideation Conference shares as insights:

·       Make sure expectations are clearly laid out on the front end. - Define the wins and create clear expectations and agreements from both sides including defining what success looks like.

·       Stay adaptive, humble, and accessible - Seek to build a culture of trust where everyone is approachable, transparent, authentic and strives listen well.

·       See collaboration as a need, not just an option-It is messy, but it can work.  Creativity comes out of great collaboration.

·       Choose wisely - Everything is publically available so choose wisely.  Good partnerships start with a deep knowledge of the other person/company/product.

·       Be intentional in finding common areas of interest and connection - Intentionality requires us to follow up again and again but it won’t seem like work if we share passion/interest about the idea/product

·       Make connections - Connect friends within your respective circles by being others-focused.

Collaboration is a wonderful thing when used wisely and effectively.  The sharing of ideas, feedback, and even criticism can be one of the most beneficial things that you do as a team.  Just remember the words of this anonymous author when seeking to develop a culture of collaboration, “You don’t have to blow out someone else’s candle to make yours shine brighter.”

What Miley Cyrus & the VMA’s Taught Me About Parenting

          This past Sunday evening was an amazing time for me as I was able to gather together with several of our youth ministry volunteers and a few of our student leaders to dream and create some exciting new pieces for our youth ministry.  It was truly amazing to hear their discussions, share their ideas, and see their passion.  While I was still riding the coattails of this amazing evening, I woke up Monday morning to the bombardment of a “performance” that had happened on Sunday evening as a part of the Video Music Awards on MTV.

            This “performance” stirred up a great deal of controversy, which many will argue is exactly what the VMA’s were created for and known for, especially over the last decade.  This “performance” was quickly one of the top viewed videos on YouTube, created all kinds of buzz on social media and in the blogging world, and deposited several thousands (if not millions) of dollars into this individual’s bank account.  Maybe you have already seen the video of this performance, maybe you haven’t but as a youth worker I am sure that several of students around the world have which prompts a response from us. 

If you are unsure of what I am talking about, you can Google “Miley's VMA Performance” to see the video.” Don't watch it with kids around. I won't post it here.

            On Sunday evening Miley Cyrus took it upon herself to continue to shed her former Hannah Montana self and become who she has been told, by the world, she needs to be.  This post is not meant to critique the performance, bad-mouth her for seeking a way to make more money, to criticize her parents, or even try to rationalize her thinking. 

This is post written by a dad who desires to communicate love to his children and how this performance triggered a response from me to do just that with my own children.  As I have read several responses to this incident, it has been interesting to see the focus of these writings.  Some talk about how we can help Miley understand she is child of God, others talk about reaching out to her mother who gave her a thumb’s up for her performance, while yet others suggest that we complete isolate ourselves as Christians from her and modern day media.  As I read these responses there is Truth is some of the statements however, I doubt that I will ever come into contact with Miley Cyrus so I can’t change her but what I can do is seek to implement change in the lives of those children/youth that I have direct contact with, specifically my own. 

Several years ago, I read a study that talked about the influence that parents have with their children.  You see parents are still the number one influence in the life of a child simply because of the over 3,000 hours of influence they can have in a given year.  By default, as parents, we have the ability to influence our children positively or negatively, based on our words and actions.  In other words we have the potential to change our little slice of the world through the impact we have on our children.

After watching this performance I didn’t see the hype, the drug references, or even the absurdity of some of the things that were taking place on stage while it was going on.  What I saw was a child who was forced to grow up in the spotlight where every decision she made was critiqued and questioned.  I saw a girl who is desperate for love and attention, without any strings attached (primarily financial).  I saw a young woman desiring to simply feel valuable.  Ultimately, I saw someone visibly living out the words that author Angie Thomas penned in her book Do You Think I’m Beautiful?, which said “God, do you see me in all this mess and still think I’m beautiful?”  So how does this ultimately impact my parenting towards my own children and the way I minister to students that God has placed in my care?  There are three simple responses that I have gleaned through this experience:

First, there is a need to love my children unconditionally and constantly.  Will there be times that I don’t feel like loving my child, sure, but that should never stop me from showering them with hugs, kisses, words of affirmation, and ultimately God’s love.  The Bible instructs children to honor their parents but I am creating an image that my children will cause them to honor me and understand the depths of my love.

Second, in connection with loving my children unconditionally, we need to love them through their mistakes.  One of the greatest examples that I have seen in parenting, is those parents who allow their children to make mistakes, even though it tears their heart in two, and use that mistake to express their love on a whole other level.  Personally, I have some friends who have watched their child make poor decisions and go to prison yet love her unconditionally.  This is the type of parent that I want to be who can learn to love through the mistakes they make and make them a better person because of it.

            Third and finally, there is the need for me to set a positive and healthy example of what love looks like in the way I treat my wife.  One of the most powerful means of influence that I have witnessed is that of modeling, and how great of an impact can we have on our children by modeling love towards our spouse?  By serving our spouse, loving them constantly, and sacrificing for them we are instilling an understanding of what love really looks like to our children.

            So as you think about your own life, what things are you currently doing to impact the life of your child?  Cling to those traditions and seek to instill the principles of love, grace, and discipline in their lives.