Are You Playing for Keeps With Fun?

          This last element may surprise some of you parents but have you ever thought about the impact that fun can have on your relationship with your child?  Take a minute to think about the word “fun.”  What images or thoughts run through your mind?  What feelings begin to well up inside of you? 

            Now as you are thinking about the word “fun,” I want you to think about how that connects to church and your relationship with God.  For some of you the two concepts seem to go hand-in-hand without question.  You see find humor in challenging situations and enjoy laughing (a lot).  But for some of you the concept of fun, laughter, and joy seem to be an antonym for what happens in church.  For some people the church has done a great job of ingraining the following thought into our minds, “If it feels good or makes us happy it must be a sin.”  Joy, laughter, and frankly life have been completely eliminated from the equation of what it means to be a Christian.  If you are in this boat I would like to echo some words that one of our pastors said a few weeks ago (with a slight amendment), “If any of you have experienced the depletion of your joy as a result of something that happened in the church, I extend an apology to you.  This is a place of joy!”

            In my opinion the halls of every church should ring out with laughter, joy, hugs, and a passion for life that simply can’t be explained short of the glory of God.  However, many churches and Christians have forgotten how to laugh and have fun.  An example of this happened this past week as our youth mission team was preparing to be commissioned to go out and serve on our yearly trip.  As we waiting to come into the sanctuary the noise coming from the gathering area began to elevate.  As I went out to tell the students to be a little quieter (I know what fun am I), one of them looked at me and simply said, “But we are so excited about going on this trip!”  I quickly thought up a reply which we used as a teachable moment later that morning in our adult training which went something like, “You can’t have joy in church.”  The students began laughing even harder as they understood my sarcasm and joke, but a couple of the adults gave me a look like, “Is he serious?”  Of course I was kidding as I have found laughter and fun to be some of the most therapeutic things to my soul.

 

            You see giving a child or student fun over their lifetime creates a strong connection.  As author Reggie Joiner and Kristin Ivy state in their book Playing for Keeps, “As adult leaders and parents, we need to take our cue from kids and start acting like fun matters” (p. 182).  Fun does matter and it is extremely important to foster a healthy relationship with the children/students we work with not to mention our own children.  A practical way to start learning how to implement fun into your life is to stop taking yourself so serious.  I learned this several years ago and wished that I had learned it earlier.  By not taking myself so seriously I have found the freedom to laugh, point out the mistakes that I have made, and simply have more fun.  Take a moment and ask yourself, “Are you taking yourself too seriously?”  If so what steps can you take to start alleviating this tension in your life and begin having more fun?

            Are you implementing “fun” into your life and relationships?  As Christians we should be the most joyful, positive, happy, playful, and fun people on the planet.  As a parent this may be challenging because we may lose focus of our overarching goal of influence due to the challenges that parenting presents.  However, by loosening up, learning what our children like (and doing it with them), and losing the agenda we are instilling the connection to our families through fun. 

The lives of our children/students are extremely important so we need to be intentional about utilizing fun in order to better direct their life in a positive direction.  As a parent or an adult leader we can’t make a kid love God, have faith or care about what matters but we can give them time, love, words, stories, tribes, and fun throughout their lifetime.  We look forward to partnering with you and sharing in this discussion as we seek to impact the next generation with the combined influence of parents and the church!

Are You Playing for Keeps With Tribes?

          I want to relive a moment that probably happened to several of us during our childhood.  It’s one of those memories that we chose to forget and act like it never happened but the reality is that it happened to us.  The scarier thing is that it is still happening today.  What am I talking about?  The feeling of walking into a room with several people, who are all connected with each other, sitting together, talking together, and laughing together, without you.  For me I remember this struggle occurred primarily during my middle school years.  I remember longing to connect with the “cool” kids only to be met with situations that felt like the scene from Forrest Gump when Forrest can’t find a seat on the bus.

            At the time I was unable to put my finger on why this was so important to me and why the rejection hurt so badly.  However, now I realize why these situations affected me so much, as it goes back all the way to the creation of man in the Bible.  When God created Adam in the garden He gave Adam a great responsibility but there was a problem as we see illustrated in Genesis 2:20, “The man gave names to all the livestock, to the birds of the sky, and to every wild animal; but for the man no helper was found as his complement” (HSCB).  God searched everywhere for a suitable helper but not one was found.  As I reread this passage several times over the past years it became increasingly obvious why the rejection I faced in middle school hurt so much.  It’s because we are all trying to fit in somewhere but when the loneliness, isolation, and rejection continue to be present we begin to feel disconnected.  As humans we are created with the desire to connect and to belong, just as Adam was in the beginning.

            Just as God sought to connect Adam to another person, we long to be connected to other people.  Jesus provided that connection on the fullest level with His death on the cross that led to His resurrection.  Because of that sacrifice we are able to have a personal relationship with God that otherwise would have been impossible.  God made a way for us to belong by extending us grace through His Son, Jesus Christ.  Authors Reggie Joiner and Kristin Ivy state it this way in their book Playing for Keeps, “Grace means you don’t belong because you deserve to belong.  You belong because God has accepted and forgiven you.  You are known by God in a way you are not known by anyone, (every thought, every desire, every action), and yet He has welcomed you into His tribe forever.” (p. 144).  God knows that we have this longing to belong, because He instilled it in us, so is it any wonder why we long to belong to certain groups, find our place, or develop a connection with other people?  Joiner and Ivy identify these groups as “tribes” which allows us to have a sense of belonging with others.

            What “tribes” are you a part of and is there someone on the outside who is longing to connect to it?  Just as Jesus came to us when we were broken, lonely, and wounded and gave us a seat at His table, we must be willing to do the same with others in our sphere of influence, including our children.  As a parent this may be challenging because we may lose focus of our overarching goal of influence due to the challenges that parenting presents.  However, by striving to keep a tradition with our children/students (or develop a new one), eating a meal together, or simply saving a “special” seat for them we are instilling the connection to the tribe of our family. 

The lives of our children/students are extremely important so we need to be intentional about utilizing and connecting them to tribes in order to better direct their life in a positive direction.  We look forward to partnering with you and sharing in this discussion as we seek to impact the next generation with the combined influence of parents and the church!

Are You Playing For Keeps With Your Stories?

            I would like you to take a moment and think about your favorite movie or book.  What is it that makes it so special to you?  Maybe you found yourself really connecting with the characters.  Maybe you loved the overarching theme that it presented.  Maybe you loved the plot, setting, or there was some other variable that you simply couldn’t put your finger on but it connected you to the movie or book.  Whatever the case for many of us, we can recall the lines, plot, and theme that was present throughout our favorite book or movie, which made me wonder what is so powerful about these things?

            What is it that can make us get sucked in to a great book for hours until we have to finish it to have some sort of closure?  What is it about the actors and the plot that makes us feel like we are drawn into a larger story?  After thinking through this one central theme emerged, we (as people) love to be drawn in and connected to a story.  We love feeling the connection to the characters through the storyline.  We long to see our lives connected to a larger story through a movie or a book.  Whatever the reason we love stories that connect us, engulf us, and offer meaning to some challenges that we face in our lives.  In other words, stories are an important part of our lives.

            But why is it that stories are so important to us?  The answer is simple, stories shape our perspective.  Stories over time shape our perspectives about God, faith, values, and life.  Authors Reggie Joiner & Kristin Ivy cite the research of Liisa Ogburn in their book Playing for Keeps, by saying, “In the last 15 years we have developed the brain imaging technologies that help us shed light on what it means to ‘Get lost’ in a good story.  Studies are suggesting that, when reading, listening, or watching a good story, we activate brain regions used to process the experience as if it were our own.  In other words, we are wired for stories” (p. 108). 

The lives of our children/students are extremely important so we need to be intentional about utilizing stories to direct their life in a positive direction that they will live out forever.  As you think about these words, feel free to watch the following video to gain a better understanding of the power of stories in parenting! 

http://skitguys.com/videos/item/fatherhood

 We look forward to partnering with you and sharing in this discussion as we seek to impact the next generation with the combined influence of parents and the church!

Are You Playing for Keeps With Your Words?

          We have all heard the old phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  This old saying was taught to us, probably as children, as a means to deflect the negative words that others would say about us.  However, as I quickly found out there was little truth to this statement as the negative words of others cut through me rapidly and altered my way of life. 

            The most evident example that I can think of this occurring was during my sophomore and junior years of high school.  During this time I had broken up with my girlfriend and another guy began dating her shortly after.  He took it upon himself to harass me daily about him being with her by calling me several names and even getting his friends to jump in on the harassment.  There were several days that I would walk the halls of our school hearing things shouted at me that tore apart my self-esteem and identity.  However, despite the torment from them I vowed never to let them know the effect that they were having on me.  I bottled everything up inside and never let it out, which wasn’t a wise decision either.  For over a year I listened to people all around me call me names and ridicule me.  Needless to say it was one of the most challenging situations in my life.

            As I think back to that time in my life, I question my own worth, decisions, and other things taking place in my life during that time simply because of the negative words of a few.  Have you ever stopped to think of the impact of the words that you say or the way that you say them?  For me personally, I never really gave that much thought to the words that I said until I entered into ministry because of the impactful state that students are at during middle school and high school.  Their minds are impressionable and one slip of the tongue could cause their life to be altered forever.  Words (not to mention tone) can say a lot about a person or to a person and should not be taken lightly.

            This past Sunday, was a prime example of words having a positive effect on the life of someone else.  Our church was able to recognize the graduating seniors from our local high schools with a special prayer written for each of them, a brunch in their honor, and special gifts from the church being presented to them.  However, the most meaningful experience of the morning was something that I observed during the brunch.  We had asked parents to write a “blessing” for their student that would unleash them into adulthood.  This blessing was not to focus on the achievements/accomplishments of the student but their identity as a child of their parents and of God.  As I watched various families share their blessings with their students, the tears were running rampant because of the power of the words that were being spoken.  While the parents wrestled with the words they had written, the students wrestled with hearing them for the first-time.  Needless to say there were numerous tissues being passed around, but it demonstrated the power of words.  During this time the parents were able to summarize the words that had been spoken to their teenager over time forever altering their direction in life.  You see when you speak positive words of affirmation and affection into the life of someone over time you affect the direction of their life.

            As a parent this may be challenging because we may lose focus of our overarching goal of influence due to the challenges that parenting presents.  However, by striving to speak positive and affirming words into the lives of our children, we will make an impact.  This may mean that we need to learn another language (please note that I am not talking about learning another language such as French or Spanish) by learning the terms, phrases, and words that our students use in order to impact them more fully.  We need to weigh what we say.  Our words carry weight, to influence the direction of someone’s life, so we should carefully evaluate the advice that we offer, the topics that we bring up, and the opportunities to speak Truth into the lives of our children.  Also, one of the beautiful things that I am finding more and more of each day is that there are people who are much smarter than I am who understand practical ways to utilize our words.  Due to their resources we can recycle big ideas (or their ideas) to better impact our children with our words.

If you are struggling today with your words and wondering if they are making a difference, remember the words that authors Reggie Joiner and Kristin Ivy share in their book Playing for Keeps, “But even when you don’t know it, your words have the power to help kids and teenagers win” (p. 82).  Your words have the ability to help your children/students win so take the time to learn another language, weigh your words carefully, and recycle the big ideas of others to have a greater impact.

The lives of our children/students are extremely important so we need to be intentional about investing our words into their lives so we can direct their life in a positive direction that they will live out forever.  We look forward to partnering with you and sharing in this discussion as we seek to impact the next generation with the combined influence of parents and the church!