Wrestling with the Tough Stuff in our Lives

          Throughout my life there have been numerous times when my temper has gotten the best of me.  I have always known that my Irish blood runs deep and many times that leads to a short fuse and a temper that is difficult to control.  I would like to say that through the years, my temper has subsided and “gets the better of me less,” but the opposite is true.  As a Christian, I have found that as we attempt to get certain areas “under control” the enemy tempts us even more in those areas.  Rather than finding ourselves gaining more control of those areas, with God’s help, we find ourselves struggling more and more with these issues.  As I was recently reflecting upon this issue in my life, a couple of situations arose that made me examine this area more closely. 

            The first situation took place this past weekend with one of our youth volunteers.  We held our annual senior high overnighter which included a variety of fun games, food, and fellowship.  As we started the evening we went to see a movie and then traveled to play laser tag at a local business.  We all had a great time until we came out of the laser tag building to find that one of our volunteers had her car window smashed in and someone had broken into to her car.  While they didn’t take anything and nothing other than the window was damaged, I found myself thinking about the level of frustration that she must be feeling towards whoever would have done this to her car.  I thought about the fact that she would have to file a police report, deal with her insurance company, and ultimately get the window fixed.  Needless to say, I found myself growing upset with the situation but as we talked with her, her demeanor never changed.  She simply smiled, said it was alright, and didn’t really seem fazed by the situation.  I found myself questioning my own temper at this time as she was dealing with an inconvenience yet she simply smiled about it and was willing to handle with a calm spirit.  After thinking about her response (as this was an overnighter so I had about six more hours to think about it), I realized the need to keep my anger in check and work to have a similar attitude to this wonderful volunteer.

            The second situation took place during our weekend worship experiences this past Sunday.  As we have been journeying through the Lenten season, our worship experiences have focused on different prayers and practices to draw us closer to the heart of God.  This past Sunday we focused on the labyrinth and actually had our labyrinth out for people to walk through as a part of the sermon.  As the time came in the sermon for people to walk through I was fine sitting and watching people walk through it, but then one of our students asked me to come with him and walk through it.  As I found myself traveling through the turns of the labyrinth I found myself sensing the Spirit of God who was calming my anxious heart and fears.  It was an amazing time as several members of our congregation were traveling through this experience together.  As we finished I felt refreshed and ready for the next piece of my morning but God wasn’t done reminding me of the need for a peaceful and calm spirit.  As I returned to my seat I found an individual sitting near me who I knew was going through a challenging season in their life.  As we finishing with our closing song, one of our pastor’s came back to the stage to offer the benediction and then something even more amazing happened.  I found myself reading the prayer on the screen with our pastor only to see out of the corner of my eye this struggling person lifting their hands to God and their eyes closed.  This simple act of reverence reminded me of the need to have a calm spirit and allow God to work.

            As I was thinking about these two scenarios that happened this weekend reminding me of my struggle with my temper, I began thinking about the Easter season.  I was reminded of the events that happened in the garden as Jesus was arrested and Peter became so upset that he sliced off an ear of one of the soldiers.  His temper got the best of him, although this wasn’t the only time that we see this with Peter, and he was a disciple of Jesus! 

Please understand that I am not saying that Peter’s actions justify our anger but it does remind me that we all have our own struggles specific to us.  We each face different scenarios and issues daily but how we respond to them rests solely on our shoulders.  So as you look at your life today are you focused upon the peace that comes from Christ or is some other issue/situation running your life?  If you are struggling with something today I challenge you to reflect upon the words that Paul wrote to the church at Philippi, “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable-if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise-dwell on these things.  Do what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:6-9).

What Do We Extend: Grace or Judgment?

          This past week our students started a new series entitled Collide.  Here is a snapshot of this series, “Ask anyone who's ever run into a sliding glass door that was closed, or went for the same baseball as a teammate, or experienced a fender bender at a stoplight-a collision changes things. Whether it's a bump on the head or a cracked bumper, something is not the same as it was before. The same thing happens when we collide with God or His truth or even other people. We're changed. But unless we put ourselves in a position to collide, everything will stay the same. So are you ready to change, are you ready to collide?” 

Each week includes a discussion question/point that our parents and their students are encouraged to wrestle through together.  The first week’s discussion questions read as follows, What is one thing you would like to change in your life?  What would it take to make that change happen?

I personally think that I have struggled more with the question for this week, than any other this year.  There were several thoughts that ran through my mind, but I wrestled with finding the concrete thread that was woven into all of them.  After praying, thinking, and praying some more I came to the realization that I feel like I have a really good life.  Are there small things that I would consider changing … sure, but in the big picture of things I’m doing good.  I mean our family is taken care of with the basic needs of a house, clothes, food and financially.  We have strong relationships with other people both friends/family and most importantly with God.  I was reminded of this while I was teaching this past week as I shared an illustration about a mission’s trip that I went on during my freshman year of college.  I recall seeing the despair of the people that we were serving and the lack of the “basic” items that they had.  Yet, despite all of their struggles they still were happy, joy-filled, and loving.  This illustrated what was really important to have in life, which is something that I still remember over ten years later.

As I mentioned there are things that are not perfect in my life, which I believe is the case with anyone who takes an honest inventory of their lives.  Have I failed in the past in various situations and relationships, absolutely.  But the important thing is that despite those shortcomings I have learned from them, developed a new strategy to handle things, and found myself developing more healthy means of dealing with situations and people.  With all of that being said I did think one thing that I would like to change in my life, which may sound a little radical but it has honestly been something that has torn at my heart for the past few years now.  The thing that I would like to change is how the Church treats others.

Early on in my life, I believed that the church was a wonderful place where everyone could come, be accepted, and experience the love of Jesus Christ.  While this is true of most churches today, there are a few that lurk in the shadows and cause havoc on the lives of Christians and there local communities.  I can recall a couple of experiences that happened while I was serving in ministry that honestly made our family almost walk completely away from the faith and church entirely because of how a situation was handled by an organization that we believed should express the love and grace of Jesus Christ fully.  As sad as this may sound many of you have experienced this very thing as you find yourself being one of the “walking wounded” who have been impacted negatively by the church.  Recently our family was contacted by someone, who was a member in a church we had served in, who informed us a lifestyle choice she had made.  She told us that she understood if we didn’t want to talk to her or be associated with her anymore because of this choice.  When we pushed the issue to ask her why she thought we would feel that way, she told us that her local church had made her feel unwelcomed and she assumed all Christians would feel that way.  This broke my heart because of the damage the church had done to this young lady.  Rather than embracing her and showing her the love of Christ, they condemned her and made her feel unworthy. 

            So what would I change in my own life?  I would strive to make the church a place that accepts and loves others regards of their backgrounds, finances, or situations.  I would love to see the church embrace a calling to care for others in the same sacrificial manner that Jesus cares for each of us by giving, serving, and loving.  So what would it take to make that change happen?  Well, for many Christians and churches, we would need to embrace the calling that Jesus gave us to truly be the light of the world to those in need (and even those who may be in need and don’t realize it).   This doesn’t mean that we don’t confront sin when it enters the picture but rather that we seek to help people through their situations to develop a deeper love of Christ in the process.

            So what is one thing that you would like to change in your life?  What would take to achieve that change?  Maybe it would be something that seems small but yet would greatly affect your outlook on life?  Maybe it is something that is so large that it seems impossible?  Whatever the case I challenge you to start trying to change today as you seek to have a collision with God.

There is No I But There is a Me!

          As a small child I often times remember the various teams that I was a part of, many of them being sports related.  I always remember our coaches working diligently to have us discover our gifts/talents and how we could best use them to make our team better.  I would like to say that this was because the coaches valued us as individuals and desired to see us succeed but honestly for many it was simply to another “W” to the win/loss column.  They wanted to look good, so that meant we had to as well.

            One of the things that I remember most from these experiences was not the success of our teams, but often wrestling with my own feelings of inadequacy.  I was never the tallest, most athletic or gifted person on the field but I did always try to give 100% percent.  Despite my efforts I was often rewarded with time in the dugout or on the bench rather than playing in the game.  One day I remember I worked up the courage to ask my coach why I wasn’t playing as much as I would like.  I anticipated one answer however the response was something different entirely.  He looked back at me and told me that the reason I wasn’t playing as much as I would like was because there were simply other people more talented that I was.  I mustered up all of the courage that I could and said, “But coach there is no I in the word team!”  His response has stuck with me all these years later when he looked back at me and said “no but there is a me and they are better than you.”

            Talk about a shift punch to the gut!  These words have stuck with me for several years and affected my understanding of a team.  I developed the belief that I would (and could) do anything that I set my mind to and I could do it by myself.  I believed that my ideas were the best and the only ideas to be considered, not to mention the fact that I was the only one who could actually achieve the plans that were laid out.  I lived my life like this for several years striving to be the best at everything that I tried and found that by pushing myself I was indeed better.  I was getting better grades (while I was in school), having more success, and feeling better about myself.  That was until I stopped, looked around, and realized that by living this way I had completely isolated myself from those who were close to me.  At this point I knew that I had a problem and needed to change my approach to projects, leadership, and life in general.

            Now fast-forward to the present, more specifically this past Sunday evening.  Every summer our church takes a group of students and adults to various locations to do service projects for those who are less fortunate and have need as a part of our mission trip.  This has been something that has been a part of churches history for over 25 years now.  As we prepare for our summer trip, which preparation starts in September, we find ourselves excited about the possibilities but want to make sure that everyone is on the same page.  This is why we do a variety of fundraising and service projects throughout the course of the year to bring our team closer together.  This past Sunday evening however, we tried a different approach by providing the opportunity to do several team building exercises with other members of the team which was extremely well received.  After the event I found myself thinking through the need to develop teams and work within them and came away with a few thoughts that I wanted to share with you in response to my coach’s statement of “There may not be an I in team but there is a me!”

            First, we are only as successful as the team we work with.  I have found that by surrounding myself with people who having differing views, a variety of ideas can emerge.  You can then evaluate them together and implement them with a team having a great deal of success.

            Second, if you are the primary leader of the team, develop a willingness to share the compliments/accomplishments and absorb the criticism.  I have found that a team is more likely to continue to work with you if you compliment them frequently and deflect the accomplishments from your own ego onto them, especially if you can highlight one or two people specifically. 

            Third, give and serve your team sacrificially.  I found this to be true just this week as our family purchased gift cards to give to some wonderful volunteers.  They reluctantly accepted them but then offered to take our family out to eat with them or even just to give them back because they “didn’t serve expecting anything in return.”  Their willingness to serve sacrificially demonstrates not only their hearts but the workings of a good team.

            As I continue to grow and develop as a leader I discover new things almost every day.  Through my experience I have discovered that it is a whole lot better to be successful and have a team to celebrate with you!  What benefits and failures have you found from seeking to develop teams?