Does Everything Happen for a Reason?

          A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog about “Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People,” which turned out to be the highest viewed blog I have ever written.  After reflecting on that I realized that these challenging questions are those things that often need the most attention in our faith journey but that we often times choose to brush aside because of their sensitive nature.  This past Sunday, I was another “tough” question by one of our students which was “Is everything that happens really a part of God’s plan?”  This question was also raised by my four year old son this past week after I told him that I visited our stillborn daughter’s grave.  He asked me, “Daddy, why did God allow that to happen,” which was a question that I was not prepared to discuss with my four year old at the time.

            Is everything that happens really a part of a bigger plan or story that God is somehow weaving together to tell His Story?  The truth is that I personally believe that everything is connected and that there are lessons that we all can learn through the different situations that we face.  Please understand that I am merely pulling from own understanding, by making this statement, that God has taught me some powerful lessons from the biggest challenges I have endured during my faith journey. This question is another wonderful question that I wanted to take a few moments to unpack.

            One particular instance that I believe started a series of connected events in my life was when my son was born prematurely and placed in the NICU for the first month of his life.  Daily, my wife and I would lift up prayers to God asking for a miracle to heal our little boy who was spiraling in the wrong direction health-wise.  We found ourselves praying, crying, and listening to every little “ding” of the machines that were helping him.  We struggled with what God was teaching us through this situation but his time in the hospital connected to several other events in our lives both immediately and later down the road.

            First, his being in the hospital built up our character.  It demonstrated a need for us to trust in God and rely on His promises each day.  This character that we are able to have strengthened through this time of testing provided a solid (although often times it doesn’t feel that way) foundation for future situations that we would encounter.  I don’t think that we would be able to lean into God with as much trust as we try to now without this experience.  This is one way that we see a connection between multiple events in our lives.

            Second, his being in the hospital allowed us to give birth to joy, compassion, and hope.  We found ourselves starting to rejoice with the children/families that were able to go home before we were.  We found ourselves having compassion upon the children whose parents didn’t come to visit them often, and we had hope that our son would be healed and would go home with us soon.  We noticed that we were focusing on several of positive attributes of God such as joy, compassion, and hope rather than focusing on the negatives which changed our hearts and the attitudes of those around us.  By seeing this desire to focus on the positive rather than the negative we found ourselves willing to look for the positive in future situations as well, which has not always been easy.  This is the second way that we see a connection between multiple events in our lives.

            Third, his being in the hospital allowed us to be used by God for the good of others.  During our time in the hospital we were able to openly talk about our faith to the nurses and doctors, pray without a fear of being judged or persecuted, and answer questions about God, faith, and the role it played in our lives.  We have also been able to use this experience to speak God’s love into the lives of others who have had children in the NICU or even lost children when they needed some type of comfort the most.  This is the third way that we see a connection between multiple events in our lives.

            Ultimately, his time in the hospital led to a great deal of prayer, sharing our faith with others freely, and talking to others about their own children/faith journeys openly.  This one experience has altered the lens that I look through when I face other situations each day.  Do I think that everything is connected and we are a part of a much larger story, yes!  My challenge to you is to face the opposition you deal with head on asking the question, “What is God trying to teach me through this situation?”  Then utilize that lesson to alter your view towards challenging situations in the future because my guess is that you will be able to use those lessons in a positive way that will help you in the future.

Stepping Stones

          The holiday season has always been something that has amazed me, but probably not for the reasons that you may think.  Sure, there is the rejoicing that takes place during Thanksgiving, the chaos of Black Friday, and the anticipation of Christmas morning that all fall during this time span, but the amazement for me always hits in another way.  I am always amazed at how much more the hearts of people are open during the Christmas season.  We give more to others, help the less fortunate, and are willing to help those in need more.  This has always been something about the Christmas season that has amazed me.  As Christians, we are called to embrace this attitude everyday but the world only seems to think that a span of 30 or so days is sufficient.  What would happen if our outlook changed and we starting embracing this call to love everyone, everyday rather than simply during the Christmas season? 

This thought has been creeping around in the back of my mind for some time now, but after the events of Thanksgiving weekend and a sermon I heard this morning, I wanted to share a little with you.  You see this morning one of our pastors preached a sermon about people being “stepping stones” in our lives.  These are people who help us move from “wandering” to “having a life of plenty.”  These people impact our lives and forever alter the course of our life in a more positive direction.

This past week/weekend I had three interactions with people who served as “stepping stones” in my life.  The first was a homeless man that we encountered at a Hardee’s on our trip to see family.  We noticed that he was hungry and could only afford a cup of coffee so we decided to purchase him a meal of his choosing from the menu.  He was so grateful and appreciative for a simple purchase that cost us at most $8.00.  He served as a “stepping stone” in my faith journey because he reminded me of the need to be open to helping those who are less fortunate and God’s desire for us to love everyone.  The other two “stepping stone” moments were with people who I have had an attachment to for several years.  The first was a pastor/mentor/friend who passed away a week ago.  Stan served as a mentor/friend to me and helped me discern God’s calling on my life.  I can honestly say that if it were not for his guidance/leadership/wisdom that I would not still be in ministry today.  He walked with our family during a challenging time, prayed for a healthy birth with our second daughter with us, and helped us gain a deeper understanding of God’s love for us through his preaching.  On Wednesday, I had the opportunity to go to his viewing to say one final goodbye to Stan and thank his family for the impact that he had on the life of our family.  I was amazed at the number of people who poured in, the remnants of his life that were on display for everyone to view, and more importantly with the stories that people shared about the impact that Stan had on their lives.  He was truly a genuine pastor who cared for others with the heart of God and his legacy will live on for many years to come.  Stan was a “stepping stone” in my faith journey. 

The last person who impacted me during this Thanksgiving weekend was our daughter Callie Grace.  Callie was stillborn at thirty-three weeks and we only had a few moments to hold her which we cherish to this day.  We love our little girl that is in heaven watching over us every day.  When I went to the viewing for Stan, I decided that I would also visit the grave of our daughter because it was in the same town and we hadn’t been able to visit her grave for quite a while.  I found myself weeping uncontrollably as I approached her grave because I was reminded of the impact that this little girl had on my life.  Without ever saying a word or taking a breath outside of my wife’s womb she forever altered our paths.  She taught me about love as I realized how much I love that little girl, which was far beyond anything I had ever felt before.  She taught me that tears are alright and the fact that God will comfort you in your time of need.  Callie taught her stubborn father several lessons in the few moments that we had together and the five years that I have wondered what her life would be like today.  Callie Grace, you were a “stepping stone” in my journey of faith.

So I ask you to reflect upon who has been a “stepping stone” for you in your faith journey.  As you think about that person maybe you could reach out to them personally or their family if they have passed away to thank them for having such an impact on your life.  As we go through this holiday season may you thank God for the people who have been a “stepping stone” in your life and be that “stepping stone” for someone else who may need it more than you’ll ever know.

What Do You "Really" Want for Christmas?

          This past week our students started a new series in conjunction with the season of Advent entitled, Advent Conspiracy.  Here is a snapshot of this series, “We all want our Christmas to be a lot of things. Full of joy. Memories. Happiness. Above all, we want it to be about Jesus. What we don't want is stress. Or debt. Or feeling like we "missed the moment". Advent Conspiracy is a movement designed to help us all slow down and experience a Christmas worth remembering. But doing this means doing things a little differently. A little creatively.  It means turning Christmas upside down.”

Each week includes a discussion question/point that our parents and their students are encouraged to wrestle through together.  The first week’s discussion questions read as follows, “What word would best describe what you want to experience this year during the Christmas season?  What are some of the obstacles that get in the way of that happening?”

Christmas has always been one of those holidays that I have had a changing view about.  As a child I remember the joy that I used to feel with the anticipation of Christmas coming, the presents that were given, and the joy that was experienced.  However, as time went on I found myself seeing Christmas in a different light.  I found myself questioning why Christmas was being pushed earlier in the year every year and other holidays, like Thanksgiving, were being ignored completely.  I felt like Christmas was getting too much attention and I started having a bit of an Ebenezer Scrooge mentality towards the holiday.  However, during the Christmas season of 2009 I found myself unemployed and struggling to really celebrate the holiday the way that I thought it should be (or at least the way that I always had).  It was at this point that I was introduced to a new way of thinking about Christmas through the Advent Conspiracy.  This thought process emphasizes the need to worship fully, spend less, give more, and love all during the Christmas season.  In the coming weeks I will unpack the themes that are presented through this series after wrestling with this week’s questions I feel that the word that best describes what I want to experience during the Christmas season this year would be presence.

 
          Presence is one of those themes that emerged as a result of this study but has continued to grab at my heart strings each year.  Presence is defined as “the fact or condition of being present.”  Personally, this demonstrates the greatest type of love that a person can display because presence means that you are actually giving of your time, which is something that you can’t ever get back, and your undivided attention to a person that you care about.  How can a physical gift, that the person probably doesn’t need anyway, compare with this?  For me, I want to experience presence this Christmas season with my family through the giving our time together both on Christmas morning and through our acts of service during this holiday season and in our new house that we will be able to enjoy Christmas in this year. 

Presence is a difficult thing to attain because of the sheer busyness of the Christmas season; however as a family we are seeking to make spending time together a focus of ours this year.  Our desire is to have times and opportunities that we serve alongside each other, celebrate together, and experience the joy of family during this holiday season.  The only real barrier to experiencing the presence of each other this season would be our own decision not to celebrate this way.  As a family it takes an intentional effort not to fall into the trap of busyness and consumerism but rather to give of our presence to each other.

So as we build up to Christmas what do you desire to experience this Christmas season?  What is that one special thing that will not simply make this season tolerable but rather a celebration of our Savior’s birth?  What can you do as a family to focus on achieving this and making it a memorable experience for everyone?

Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?

          This past week our students concluded their series entitled, Doubt.  This series examines the fact that we can allow our questions about our faith to actually drive us closer to God rather than farther away.  Having doubts and questions are a normal part of faith formation and this series encourages our students to wrestle with those questions as they seek to make their faith their own.

At the conclusion of our evenings students gather in small groups to discuss the theme of the night in a personal manner that directly connects the theme/Scripture to their hearts.  This past week, one small group conversation took an interesting turn when I entered the room.  Upon walking in one of the teenage girls in the group asked me why we hadn’t answered her question, which we came to find out was “Why do bad things happen to good people?”  This is a question that many of us have wrestled with throughout our faith journey.  We left that night with a little resolution but there was still a healthy amount of tension surrounding this conversation.  Throughout this week, I have thought about the effect that this question has had on my own faith journey.  Last evening, it particularly rang true when I woke up around 2:00 am and couldn’t go back to sleep.  I found myself tossing and turning but when I couldn’t go back to sleep I turned to Facebook and Twitter to find some consolation.  I found myself reading about a dear friend of mine who is striving to “finish well” in his life as he battles brain cancer.

Stan Buck has always been an inspiration to me as a man of faith.  He has invested in countless lives through his ministry all the while being one of the most humble men that I have ever met.  Stan started a church in Fort Wayne, Indiana twenty-five years ago and is still the lead pastor there today.  He has taken this amazing church through several challenges times while seeking to be faithful to God’s leadership for this church.  Stan and I first really connected when I was taking a class towards my Master’s degree at Indiana Wesleyan University.  We realized that we were close to each other (about 20 minutes apart in separate churches) and developed a wonderful friendship that served as the start of our friendship.  Shortly after this class finished I found myself unemployed, doubting God, and searching for answers.  My wife and I ended up living with my in-laws and struggling to pay our bills each month.  I found myself becoming bitter, angry, and irritated at God during this time, however it turned out this is exactly where I needed to be.  A couple of weeks after moving in with my in-laws we decided to try this church across the street that we had heard good things about and attempt to turn our lives around.  We found ourselves walking into the church where Stan was the pastor and our lives were drastically altered.  Through their worship, friendship, and personal counseling I found my heart beginning to be softened instead of stirring the hurt that had lived in my heart for the past few months.  I found myself being consoled by a pastor, Stan, who didn’t simply talk about grace, love, and forgiveness but sought to embody them in his everyday life.  We found ourselves connecting with God and growing in our faith despite the hurt that we had suffered.  Stan demonstrated the love of Christ in the purest form as a humble servant who desired to give everything he had to serve God. 

Stan has become a wonderful friend throughout my ministry journey by encouraging, loving, and supporting us several times.  However, as he is ending his fight with cancer, I see a man who touched so many lives, exemplified the humble spirit of God, and did truly finish well in his life.  Stan you are a wonderful man of God who has forever altered my life and I am thankful for the privilege I had to call you my friend.  Please join with me in prayer for Stan, his wife Kathy, daughters Stephanie & Ashley (and their families), and Sonrise Church during this time as we celebrate Stan finishing well!

Looking at Our Struggles with New Eyes

          This past week our students concluded their series entitled, Doubt.  This series examines the fact that we can allow our questions about our faith to actually drive us closer to God rather than farther away.  Having doubts and questions are a normal part of faith formation and this series encourages our students to wrestle with those questions as they seek to make their faith their own.  Each week includes a discussion question/point that our parents and their students are encouraged to wrestle through together.  The second week’s discussion question reads as follows, “What are some things that God has taught you in the past about Himself? How can those things specifically help you with the doubts you now have?”

Throughout my journey of faith there have been several moments that I have discovered revelations about God through various situations and circumstances.  These revelations come not because of some great connection and insight that I have but rather from the words of a wise person who told me about the need to look for God in unexpected places in my life.  These words have caused me to examine various situations in my life in a new light, which in turn have revealed a great deal about God’s character to me.  I have been able to examine new situations with fresh eyes thinking about the lesson or piece of God’s character that could be hiding in the pain, anxiety, or discomfort. 

One primary situation that jumped out at me was when our son was born premature in the NICU.  I remember the shock of being told that something was wrong and he would have to be placed in the NICU for some tests.  The mood quickly changed from one of celebration to one of frustration and confusion when we were told that they didn’t know if he was going to make it.  I remember crying out to God in the waiting area, with my wife by my side, begging for our son to be spared.  I recall sitting by his crib multiple times each day, praying for a miracle to happen.  However, day after day we continued to see him declining and the nurses scrambling to find a solution to his respiratory problems.  Although it was only a month of our lives, the days seemed to last forever and the tears simply wouldn’t stop as we doubted God’s plan for this little boy.  We knew the pain of losing a child firsthand and couldn’t begin to fathom going through that again.  However, at about the midway point of that first month we began to see small improvements in our son and how he was responding to the treatments.  He began to gain strength and breath on his own, making his mom and dad breathe easier as well.  A couple of weeks after this turn, we found ourselves taking our son home and celebrating the wonderful blessing of his life.

As we reflect on the time in the hospital that we spent with our little boy there were several things that happened causing me to understand God’s character all the more.  The first was that just as we sat by our son’s bedside every day; God is with us all the time.  He is constantly surrounding us with His love and peace however the question is are we receptive to it.  Second, it seemed as though our prayers were being ignored and God simply wasn’t listening to us as we prayed for our son to be healed.  This was a reminder to rely on God’s timing, not our own, and trust that He hears the cries of our hearts.  Just as David cried out to God in the book of Psalms we found ourselves doing the same thing but needed to rely on what we knew about God rather than simply what we were feeling in our hearts.  The third revelation that happened were through the relationships that were established, with the nurses, doctors, and other parents.  There were several times that we had the opportunity to reach out to the nurses, especially when one of them lost a child a year after our son was in the hospital.  Our little boy provided the opportunity to reach into their hurt and attempt to shed some of God’s love on the situation.  There were also opportunities to extend God’s grace to the doctor’s even when it seemed as though they weren’t really doing anything to help our son.  There were chances when other parents would want to talk, laugh, and cry together simply to get through our situation.

Through the pain, tears, and discouragement that transpired that month, I found myself coming to a deeper understanding of who God is and how He desires to be a part of my life.  I found myself marveling at the depth of His love for me, amazed at the constant pursuit of my heart that He exhibited, and the care for the prayers that I lifted up to Him daily for our son.  In that month, God revealed a great deal of His character to me, helping me to overcome my doubts and draw closer to Him.

Using Doubt in a Positive Way

          This past week our students started a new series, Doubt.  This series examines the fact that we can allow our questions about our faith to actually drive us closer to God rather than farther away.  Having doubts and questions are a normal part of faith formation and this series encourages our students to wrestle with those questions as they seek to make their faith their own.  Each week includes a discussion question/point that our parents and their students are encouraged to wrestle through together.  The first week’s discussion question reads as follows, “Do you ever have doubts about God?  If so, what are they?  What do you do with them-vocalize them or keep them to yourself?

Doubt is a powerful thing that can direct us down one or two different paths.  We can choose to allow the doubt in our faith, God, the church, etc. to deter us from following Jesus or we can allow it to direct us closer to God’s heart.  For me, doubt was something that I wrestled with for a long time in my own life.  I struggled with different pieces of Christianity, the Bible, the Church, and what I was supposed to believe.  However, for the longest time I always felt that I was not allowed to ask questions about God because that would demonstrate my lack of faith.  However, the summer before my freshman year of college my thought process was drastically altered. 

On the second day of taking summer classes for college, before my freshman year (only because of a scholarship not because I wanted to be an overachiever), I received a phone call that my dad had been diagnosed with cancer.  I remember the toll this took on my faith as here I was a Christian, at college, studying to enter the ministry, and struggling with doubts about God.  I found myself asking the following questions, “Does God really love me?”  “Why would God allow this to happen?”  “Why do bad things happen to good people (like my dad)?”  These were all questions that I found myself wrestling with and unfortunately I still don’t have all of the answers.  These questions started the moment I received the phone call, however I found them becoming far more pressing a few days when my dad had surgery to attempt to get the cancer out of his body.  I found myself, clinging to the promises that God would heal him and things would be alright, but when the doctor entered the room, I knew something was wrong.  The doctor informed us that they hadn’t been able to get everything and they would have to do another surgery later in the month to try to remedy the problem.  Despite the hope that was still present, I found myself doubting God all the more because he hadn’t healed my dad.  My doubts were consuming every thought and I found myself wanting to run away from my faith and ignore God completely. 

 

Then something interesting happened, through several of my new friends at college.  As I returned to campus I was met with their hugs, tears, and prayers for my dad.  I started having conversations with them about why would God allow this to happen to my dad and what ensued was a wonderful few months that forever altered my faith.  I found myself talking openly about my doubts to my new friends and listening to their doubts about God.  We found ourselves searching through the Scriptures (as a community of faith), praying together, and talking to wise counsel (our professors and administrators of the school) about our doubts.  We found ourselves consumed with making our faith our own rather than simply riding on the coattails of our parents or pastors back home.  We found ourselves falling more in love with God and seeing His love starting to transform our doubts into a pursuit for a deeper relationship with Jesus.  We saw our doubts directing us to a deeper love of God rather than deterring us from following Him.  Through these few months, I discovered that doubt could be a positive thing.  Doubt can direct us closer to God if we allow it to.  Doubt can encourage our hearts as we seek to grow closer to God in the midst of our questions. 

 

So as parents, do you encourage your children to have doubts about God, faith, the church, etc.?  Do you seek to discuss with them the personal relationship that Jesus desires for them to have with Him?  Do you challenge your children to ask questions about the difficult things in life, knowing that you may not have the answers?  My challenge to you is to encourage doubt and questions in the lives of your children.  Use their questions as a time to study God’s Word together and grow closer together, both as a family and as Christians.