Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Looking at Our Struggles with New Eyes

          This past week our students concluded their series entitled, Doubt.  This series examines the fact that we can allow our questions about our faith to actually drive us closer to God rather than farther away.  Having doubts and questions are a normal part of faith formation and this series encourages our students to wrestle with those questions as they seek to make their faith their own.  Each week includes a discussion question/point that our parents and their students are encouraged to wrestle through together.  The second week’s discussion question reads as follows, “What are some things that God has taught you in the past about Himself? How can those things specifically help you with the doubts you now have?”

Throughout my journey of faith there have been several moments that I have discovered revelations about God through various situations and circumstances.  These revelations come not because of some great connection and insight that I have but rather from the words of a wise person who told me about the need to look for God in unexpected places in my life.  These words have caused me to examine various situations in my life in a new light, which in turn have revealed a great deal about God’s character to me.  I have been able to examine new situations with fresh eyes thinking about the lesson or piece of God’s character that could be hiding in the pain, anxiety, or discomfort. 

One primary situation that jumped out at me was when our son was born premature in the NICU.  I remember the shock of being told that something was wrong and he would have to be placed in the NICU for some tests.  The mood quickly changed from one of celebration to one of frustration and confusion when we were told that they didn’t know if he was going to make it.  I remember crying out to God in the waiting area, with my wife by my side, begging for our son to be spared.  I recall sitting by his crib multiple times each day, praying for a miracle to happen.  However, day after day we continued to see him declining and the nurses scrambling to find a solution to his respiratory problems.  Although it was only a month of our lives, the days seemed to last forever and the tears simply wouldn’t stop as we doubted God’s plan for this little boy.  We knew the pain of losing a child firsthand and couldn’t begin to fathom going through that again.  However, at about the midway point of that first month we began to see small improvements in our son and how he was responding to the treatments.  He began to gain strength and breath on his own, making his mom and dad breathe easier as well.  A couple of weeks after this turn, we found ourselves taking our son home and celebrating the wonderful blessing of his life.

As we reflect on the time in the hospital that we spent with our little boy there were several things that happened causing me to understand God’s character all the more.  The first was that just as we sat by our son’s bedside every day; God is with us all the time.  He is constantly surrounding us with His love and peace however the question is are we receptive to it.  Second, it seemed as though our prayers were being ignored and God simply wasn’t listening to us as we prayed for our son to be healed.  This was a reminder to rely on God’s timing, not our own, and trust that He hears the cries of our hearts.  Just as David cried out to God in the book of Psalms we found ourselves doing the same thing but needed to rely on what we knew about God rather than simply what we were feeling in our hearts.  The third revelation that happened were through the relationships that were established, with the nurses, doctors, and other parents.  There were several times that we had the opportunity to reach out to the nurses, especially when one of them lost a child a year after our son was in the hospital.  Our little boy provided the opportunity to reach into their hurt and attempt to shed some of God’s love on the situation.  There were also opportunities to extend God’s grace to the doctor’s even when it seemed as though they weren’t really doing anything to help our son.  There were chances when other parents would want to talk, laugh, and cry together simply to get through our situation.

Through the pain, tears, and discouragement that transpired that month, I found myself coming to a deeper understanding of who God is and how He desires to be a part of my life.  I found myself marveling at the depth of His love for me, amazed at the constant pursuit of my heart that He exhibited, and the care for the prayers that I lifted up to Him daily for our son.  In that month, God revealed a great deal of His character to me, helping me to overcome my doubts and draw closer to Him.

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