Thank You to Parents

A couple weeks ago I was given an interesting opportunity as my wife headed off for a weekend retreat with her coworkers.  I wondered about what I could possibly do with two small children for an entire weekend.  You see, there has been a balance in our house where we take turns caring for the children to give each other a break, but during these seventy-two hours it would be all on me.  Now I know what some of you may be thinking, “Come on, how many single parents do this day in and day out” or “How many stay-at-home moms do this every day?”  It’s true that many parents are fully equipped to handle this challenge however this weekend with my children opened my eyes to a variety of thoughts.

First, there were several challenging moments throughout the weekend where I wondered what we would do, how I would survive or how the children would survive.  I think if we were all honest this would be something that every parent can resonate with.  We get so excited to raise our children during the pregnancy but then life throws a variety of challenges at us that we were never expecting or prepared to handle with them.  Despite these challenges our role is to love our children unconditionally and care for them because they are ours.  A great example of this is to think about the part that God plays in His desire to have a personal relationship with us.  God loves us and accepts us daily, despite the mistakes or shortcomings that we may exhibit.  We should love our children in the same way, unconditionally, even when it hurts.

The second thought happened on the first night when my son woke up crying because he had gotten sick all over his bed.  As I was cleaning up the mess and him, he simply looked at me with tears in eyes and said, “I’m sorry daddy for getting sick.  My heart completely broke because I wondered if my attitude had conveyed that I was frustrated with him.  As I sat on the floor with him cradled in my arms, I reminded him that I loved him and cared for him despite this inconvenience.  This experience made me think about the way that I talk to and communicate with my children daily.  Am I sending a message of love, compassion, and care or rather one of judgment and ridicule?  I realized in that moment the effect that I will forever have on the lives of my children.

Finally, when the weekend drew to a close and mommy returned home there was great rejoicing from all parties.  However, what grabbed my attention the most was the recollection that the kids shared with my wife about all of our adventures from the weekend.  After they finished their whirlwind stories, they stopped and looked at me and said “Thank you daddy.”  My heart was so grateful because of all the time and energy that I put into that weekend, investing in them, caring for them, cleaning up after them, which are all parts of being a parent.  However, I wondered how many other parents don’t ever hear the words, “Thank you” from their children.  I know that these words become increasingly less as children get older but as parents we need to know that we are appreciated and valued for all of the long hours and hard work that we pour into our children.

So if no one has ever told you, as parent what you do matters and is important.  The investment, love and care that you show your children will forever impact their lives.  Your influence may never be known to your children until they are adults, if ever, but thank you for investing in them.  Thank you for pouring your heart into your children.  Thank you for loving them unconditionally.  Thank you for being there for them.  Thank you for being the best parent you can be to your children!

When Was the Last Time You Took a Break?

Rest, the mere word stirs up a variety of emotions within us.  We long to rest, gain refreshment, and feel revitalized, however there simply never seems to be enough hours in the day to complete our work and gain adequate rest for our bodies and souls. 

I used to believe this myth (primarily in high school) as I scurried through life trying to complete my homework, work at my job, and compete in sporting competitions/practices.  Despite my best efforts I would fall asleep exhausted only to wake up the next morning feeling even more tired.  This pattern continued until a wise professor in college gave us an assignment in time management.  For seven days, we were to note how we spent our time, hour by hour, and then write a reflection paper on what we discovered at the conclusion of the experiment.  I remember reflection upon the notes of how I spent my time, only to find that I was wasting a significant amount of time primarily on video games and watching movies.  When we began to discuss this assignment our professor emphasized the need for not only time management but also for rest.  He challenged us to work diligently during six days of the week, in order to take a Sabbath on the seventh day.  He cited two particular passages from the Bible, the creation story where God rested on the seventh day and the Ten Commandments.  In those commandments, we see that God instructs the nation of Israel, “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work” (Exodus 20:8-9).  After completing this assignment, I remember diligently trying, as I still do today to take a Sabbath at least one day a week.  While this is a weekly challenge sometimes, it is necessary to refresh our bodies and our souls.

            This past week, I asked our students how many of them try to take a little bit of time for rest and rejuvenation.  The answer stunned me as many of them cited that they could not take time to rest because of the quantity of homework they had, the demands of their sporting teams/band/choir/extracurricular activities, boyfriends/girlfriends, or other demands that constantly cried out for their attention.  I have to admit that I was saddened by the message that our world is sending to this generation, which to me seems to be work harder and faster (all the while neglecting your own limitations) in order to achieve more status/rewards.  This approach to life truly discourages me as we should be taking time for rest.

Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with God and to discuss with your students.  “How do you define rest?”  As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about if you are trying to leverage God against Himself and what steps you could take more accurately align your use of the name of God with what God truly represents.  Our story with God started over 3,500 years ago when Moses had a conversation with God on the side of a mountain, in which God asked Moses one simple question, “Will you trust Me?”  We are given that same opportunity today as we remember “God can be trusted to provide.”

What's So Special About God's Name?

          Over the past few weeks our students have been working through the Ten Commandments that God gave to Moses over 3,500 years ago.  There has been interesting discussion as we have wrestled with why the commandments are in the order they are, what they really mean, and how they apply to our lives today.

            

          This past week focused on the third commandment which states, “You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God” (Exodus 20:7).  As a child I recall my parents teaching me this commandment constantly particularly tied to moments when I lost my temper or became upset.  However, through the years I have often wondered that if this commandment is solely referencing not using God’s name is a negative way when I am angry, why is it number three on the list?  That seemed a little high to me and the fact is that I misunderstood the meaning behind this commandment. 

As I reviewed this commandment more in depth, I came to understand that it did not simply apply to times when I lost my temper but to something more.  This command actually teaches us that we are not to associate God’s name with anything that God is not associated with.   In other words we should not manipulate, abuse, or mishandle the name of God.  The clearest example that I can think of happening during my four years of undergraduate work at a small Christian college in Indiana was when I witnessed people in dating relationships play the “God Card.”

Here is what I mean by this:  The college I attended was small, to the point that everyone knew everyone else.  Which meant you knew about the dating lives of other people as well.  For four years we watched couples begin dating, fall in love, and then out of the blue break-up because “God told them to.”  I never understood this until one day when I had a conversation with a fellow student who had ended several relationships with the phrase, “God told me to break-up with you.”  During this conversation, he told me that he would date a girl until he got “bored” and then rather than try to find a reason to break-up with her, he would simply tell her that God told him to.  I struggled with this at the time for reasons that did not become apparent until a couple of years later.  I realized that this young man was misusing the name of God because he was using God as an excuse or “playing the God card.”  God had not told him to break-up with the girl, yet time after time we would see young ladies heartbroken because of this young man’s misuse of God’s name.  Years later, I now realize that God doesn’t want us to misuse, abuse, or manipulate His name but to regard it with the sacred and holy attention that it deserves.

Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with God and to discuss with your students.  “On a scale of 1 to 10, how close to God would you say you are right now?”  As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about if you are trying to leverage God against Himself and what steps you could take more accurately align your use of the name of God with what God truly represents.  Our story with God started over 3,500 years ago when Moses had a conversation with God on the side of a mountain, in which God asked Moses one simple question, “Will you trust Me?”  We are given that same opportunity today as we remember “When you use the name of god to dodge the Will of God, you will ultimately miss out on God entirely.”  

Out of the Box Mentality

Once upon a time there was a young man who lived a good life.  He went to church on Sunday mornings, volunteered at a local soup kitchen, read his Bible occasionally, and prayed when he needed something.  He considered himself “religious” and felt like he was in good standing with God.  He would go through this routine and believed that everything would ultimately work out.  However, this young man had a secret.  Despite his “connection” to God during the weekend he would start every week the same way.  He would have a conversation with God early Monday morning that went something like this:  “God thank you for taking care of me this weekend and while I want to honor you, I know there are some things at my work that you wouldn’t be proud of.  I know that some of my friends wouldn’t appreciate or understand it if I talked about you.  So as is the case with every week I want to put you in this box and leave you on the shelf here at home while I go about my business this week.  Once Saturday morning hits again, I will get you out and we have another conversation.  Have a good week.”

While this fictitious story may seem a little far-fetched, how many of us do this with God weekly or even daily?  We tend to make God so small, and we squeeze and push Him into this little box that we may or may not pay attention to, which allows us to live how we want.  But God knows that even if this is our tendency, this is not what it looks like to have a real relationship.

God wants to be the center of every decision, the One you go to for everything. And God wants to make sure you don’t make Him just one part of your life.  God outlined this in the first two commandments that he gave to Moses over 3,500 years ago.  The first commandment states, “You shall have no other gods before me.” (Exodus 20:3) and the second says, “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below”  (Exodus 20:4)  Behind these first two commandments, we don’t discover a God who is insecure or wants attention for attention’s sake, but a God who understands that our lives work better when He’s in the center, and He remains God-not compact, compartmentalized, and small.  And because He loves us, He wants what is best for us.

Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with God and to discuss with your students.  “Why is it easier to want God involved in certain areas of your life over others?”  As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about if you are putting God in a box and what steps could you take to move God more towards the center of your life if He’s not there already.  Our story with God started over 3,500 years ago when Moses had a conversation with God on the side of a mountain, in which God asked Moses one simple question, “Will you trust Me?”  We are given that same opportunity today as we remember “the most important decision we make is what we place at the center of our lives.”

What’s More Important to God … Rules or a Relationship?

For the past several years I have heard the phrase, “God wants to have a personal relationship with you” stated throughout several churches, conferences, and even from own mouth.  There is power in this statement however, for several people the power is never fully understood.  I have known many people who have been hurt by the church or other Christians because when they noticed something was missing in their lives and decided to explore if Christianity was the path for them they were met with people saying, “Here’s a bunch of rules.  Do the best you can.  And if you do well, God will accept you.”  Needless to say, shortly after this statement is made many of them turn away, never to return to any church or God again.

But here’s the thing, God never said anything like that.  He never implied, inferred, modeled or illustrated that.  In fact, He did the exact opposite.  Relationship always precedes rules with God.  And the biggest thing to God came before the Ten Commandments, back when the Israelites were in Egypt.  It was at that point that God initiated the relationship by simply asking the question, “Will you trust Me?”

For me I began to understand this at an overnighter when I was fourteen years old.  I listened to a pastor preach his heart out talking about God desiring a relationship with me, which was something that I had never really understood even though I had spent the previous twelve years in church weekly.  You see our family went to church every week, because it was the right thing to do not because we had a personal relationship with God.  For years, I was given the rules to be a “good person” by the church and tried to live in them with the understanding that my performance would gain God’s approval.  However, as I sat on that gym floor around 2:00 am I realized the depths of God’s love wasn’t rooted in a set of rules but solely in the fact that God loves me!  On that night I realized, God gives us rules, laws, and commandments because He loves us, not as a way for us to prove something to Him.  God has given us laws, rules, and commandments because we are already in, not as a means of getting in.

Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with God and to discuss with your students.  “Based on your experience what do you think are some of God’s rules?”  As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about where your personal relationship with God is and what steps are you taking to further yourself on the journey.  Our story with God starting over 3,500 years ago when Moses had a conversation with God on the side of a mountain, in which God asked Moses one simple question, “Will you trust Me?”  We are given that same opportunity today as “Relationship always precedes rules with God.”

Improving Your Sibling Relationships

          This week our students wrapped up their series on family by looking at another area in their family that they don’t have control over, their siblings.  We discussed how our relationships with our siblings typically go and how to remedy them.  As we walked through this discussion we found that our relationship with our siblings typically has a few responses:

• When we are annoyed, we want control
• When we are hurt, we want payback
• When we are overwhelmed, we want isolation

          As you can see none of these responses are healthy to have a better relationship with our siblings but rather they further separate us from them.  As you think about your own relationship with your siblings do you fall into one of the categories listed above or something similarly destructive?  If you find yourself trapped in one of these categories then my challenge to you is simple, or at least it appears that way.  Think about the last time you said, “I love you,” or I’m praying for you” to your sibling and actually meant it.  How did that change your relationship with them?  Maybe your sibling has done something very destructive to your family, and you need to spend some time forgiving them in your heart and then letting them know that you have let it go and desire to move forward with your relationship.

It’s easy for us to say “I love you,” “I’m praying for you” or “I forgive you.”  But what would happen if you actually spent some time searching your heart and genuinely meant these phrases as you communicated them to your siblings?  How would your relationship with them be different?  By saying these things, we are not only communicating our love to our siblings but more importantly that we accept them for who they are.

Listen to this amazing story that helped me understand how powerful acceptance really is:
A man named Dave once told the story about when he was in 7th grade. Dave had Polio and Cystic Fibrosis, so he had some physical limitations. His older brother Mike was a junior in high school and an incredible basketball player.
Each Saturday, about 25 high school guys gathered at a neighborhood court to play ball. They always decided who played by shooting free throws to see who would be the team captains. 
Well, one particular Saturday, Dave decides he wants to play basketball with the big boys. So he walks out there with all these big, athletic juniors and seniors in high school. And Dave’s brother, Mike, shoots and becomes a captain along with another guy. Mike got first pick, and the other guys stood around, waiting to see who got to play. And then something amazing happened. Mike stuck out his finger, pointed at his little brother and said, “I choose Dave.” And this gangly, physically-limited, shocked 7th grader walked up to his brother, buried his face in his belly, and started weeping. 
Mike didn’t choose Dave because he was a great basketball player. He chose Dave because he loved him.

          Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with your siblings and to discuss with your children.  “Why can it be difficult to have a good relationship with your siblings?”  As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about what the concepts of respect, freedom, and honor mean in your house.  As you work through this issue remember that while you may have a shaky relationship with your siblings currently, you can change that because “Acceptance is powerful.”

Why Should Children Honor Their Parents?

  Over the past couple of weeks our student ministry has been journeying through the maze of how students relate to their parents.  Through this series we have been blessed with wonderful conversations and great questions.  One of the most thought provoking questions came this past week from one of our middle school students.  The question that was raised was, “Why do I as a “child” have to be the mature and responsible one to honor my parents and fight for the relationship when they should be doing this because they are older and the parents?”

As we worked through this question, we explored several reasons that children should honor their parents.
• We (children) focus so much on what our parents are doing that we miss our own role
• You are not responsible for what your parents do, but you ARE responsible for what you do
• Our choice is simple when it comes to how to respond to our parents: Choose to disobey and run away because of how our parents act OR honor them in spite of their decisions.
• When you turn your hearts towards your parents, it turns your relationship towards God
• What if at some point in your next conflict, you stopped, and you did something to communicate, “You are important.  In fact you’re more important than this thing we’re arguing about.”

We finished up the discussion by looking at the fact that all fights in our family come down to one thing, “We aren't getting our way” or more simply perspective.  We find ourselves engaged in arguments with our family members because we see, hear, and feel things differently.  The same message can be conveyed but the way that we hear it, understand it, or experience can be entirely different, leading us into conflict with other family members.  As you think about this question and these themes what issues come to your mind for reasons that children should honor their parents and how we as parents can convey a message of love and respect to our children?

Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with your parents and to discuss with your children.  “What do typically do when you don’t get your way?”   As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about what the concepts of respect, freedom, and honor mean in your house.  As you work through this issue remember that while you may have a shaky relationship with your parents or children currently, you can change that because “When you turn your heart toward your parents, it turns your relationship toward God.”