Improving Your Sibling Relationships

          This week our students wrapped up their series on family by looking at another area in their family that they don’t have control over, their siblings.  We discussed how our relationships with our siblings typically go and how to remedy them.  As we walked through this discussion we found that our relationship with our siblings typically has a few responses:

• When we are annoyed, we want control
• When we are hurt, we want payback
• When we are overwhelmed, we want isolation

          As you can see none of these responses are healthy to have a better relationship with our siblings but rather they further separate us from them.  As you think about your own relationship with your siblings do you fall into one of the categories listed above or something similarly destructive?  If you find yourself trapped in one of these categories then my challenge to you is simple, or at least it appears that way.  Think about the last time you said, “I love you,” or I’m praying for you” to your sibling and actually meant it.  How did that change your relationship with them?  Maybe your sibling has done something very destructive to your family, and you need to spend some time forgiving them in your heart and then letting them know that you have let it go and desire to move forward with your relationship.

It’s easy for us to say “I love you,” “I’m praying for you” or “I forgive you.”  But what would happen if you actually spent some time searching your heart and genuinely meant these phrases as you communicated them to your siblings?  How would your relationship with them be different?  By saying these things, we are not only communicating our love to our siblings but more importantly that we accept them for who they are.

Listen to this amazing story that helped me understand how powerful acceptance really is:
A man named Dave once told the story about when he was in 7th grade. Dave had Polio and Cystic Fibrosis, so he had some physical limitations. His older brother Mike was a junior in high school and an incredible basketball player.
Each Saturday, about 25 high school guys gathered at a neighborhood court to play ball. They always decided who played by shooting free throws to see who would be the team captains. 
Well, one particular Saturday, Dave decides he wants to play basketball with the big boys. So he walks out there with all these big, athletic juniors and seniors in high school. And Dave’s brother, Mike, shoots and becomes a captain along with another guy. Mike got first pick, and the other guys stood around, waiting to see who got to play. And then something amazing happened. Mike stuck out his finger, pointed at his little brother and said, “I choose Dave.” And this gangly, physically-limited, shocked 7th grader walked up to his brother, buried his face in his belly, and started weeping. 
Mike didn’t choose Dave because he was a great basketball player. He chose Dave because he loved him.

          Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with your siblings and to discuss with your children.  “Why can it be difficult to have a good relationship with your siblings?”  As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about what the concepts of respect, freedom, and honor mean in your house.  As you work through this issue remember that while you may have a shaky relationship with your siblings currently, you can change that because “Acceptance is powerful.”