What’s Holding You Back?

          This week our students we finished their series write.rewrite focusing on the stories of our lives.  Here is a snapshot of this series, “We are all drawn to great stories - whether that's on the big screen, small screen, in a book or elsewhere. But we may be completely unaware of one simple truth - that our lives are a story as well. The decisions we make every day are shaping the plot. The things we do, believe and trust determine what is being written. And for many of us, the story we are scripting could be so much more if we let God write, or even rewrite, our story. It’s the story we long for, the one our hearts truly desire.” 

Each week includes a discussion question/point that our parents and their students are encouraged to wrestle through together.  The third week’s discussion questions read as follows, “What holds you back from trusting God completely?  What would it take for you to surrender that reluctance?  How might your life become a bigger story than the one you live now?

 

            A few years ago I was meeting with a mentor and discussing my gifts for ministry.  Part of our time together was spent examining various gifts and downfalls that I had as a leader.  Following one of the tests the results came back and I learned something interesting about myself, I was a control freak!  Now my tendency to plan and be organized are good things to possess to be a leader but I have to admit that when I spend a great amount of time laying out a plan, I feel as though it should be followed.  Needless to say, I struggle with control as I think that most of do if we are really honest with ourselves.  However, after really looking at my personality I discovered that the real reason I want control is because I feel like it protects me.  Having a laid out plan, which can be followed easily prevents me from dealing with the unknown or another fear of mine which is the fear of failure.  Through time though I have discovered that even the best laid out plan can fail and the truth of the matter is that I am never really in control of any situation. 

            I was reminded of these things during our recent transition into our new home.  We had a plan laid out, all the paperwork was signed, and the money was paid.  However, despite all of our planning and organization (stemming from my desire for control) fell apart when the sale crumbled because the seller wouldn’t fix some windows that had lead based paint on them.  I found my entire world shaken because I wasn’t able to provide one of the basic necessities for my family which was that of a home.  I felt helpless and realized again that I was never really in control of any of this process.  During this time we have been humbled by the gifts of others, blessed by God as He has provided for our family, and experienced the love of our family as we have lived with the bare necessities over the past month.

            Through this experience I have been reminded that my desire for control often keeps me from trusting God completely.  My desire to plan and anticipate “what’s next” caused me to slip away from whole-heartedly following God’s will.  I found myself being anxious and wondering “if” rather than “when” God would provide for our family.  For me to surrender my reluctance came in the form of having the comforts and securities of “home” taken away from me and putting our entire family in a vulnerable position.  This has not been an easy process to endure as the uncertainty has far outweighed our plans but God has still provided for us and taken care of us as His children.

            After forty-two days on Friday, we are able to move into our new house (a different one than we started with) and have that sense of security again.  During this time God has stretched us as a family, illustrated many of the blessings that we take for granted, and brought us closer together as a family.  Although we have learned a great deal through this process, I am fine with staying in our new home for many years to come so that we don’t have to endure a similar process again. 

            So what are you holding onto that is keeping you from trusting God completely?  What would cause you to let go of your reluctance?  Finally, how can you live, more fully, into God’s story?