The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

          This past week our students concluded their series entitled Lovesick focusing on the relationships in their lives.  Here is a snapshot of this series, “There's something pretty amazing about being in love, isn't there? The butterflies in your stomach. The dreamy gazes. No wonder so many of us are so in love with being in love. But if you look around--in the media, at school, in life--we've taken what God created and twisted it, morphed it and configured it into something it was never meant to be--an obsession. When romantic relationships become an obsession, balance goes out the window. We miss out on opportunities and experiences we might otherwise have had. And sometimes we even forget who we are. There's got to be healthier way to do this. There's got to be another way than being so lovesick.”

Each week includes a discussion question/point that our parents and their students are encouraged to wrestle through together.  The third week’s discussion questions read as follows, Parents, share a relationship from your past that you did well, and one that you didn’t. What did you learn from both?

RELATIONSHIPS-the mere word often times stirs a feeling in our stomachs that cause us to either rejoice or cringe depending up our past experiences.  There have been several relationships in my life that have been wonderful, meaningful, and mattered a great deal to me.  However, there have been just as many that have been hurtful or detrimental to me as well.  I am reminded of some of the words that were shared with our students this past week during the lesson.  We asked them to think of their relationships like a story and ask themselves two questions.  The first asked them to fast-forward ten years and ask themselves, “What did I write in this person’s story?”  Was it healthy, manipulative, dishonest, or encouraging?  The second is similar in that students were to ask themselves, “How will my relationship with this person affect how he/she thinks about Jesus?”  Both of these questions illustrate the need to strive for healthy relationships however as many of us know that isn’t always the case.

 

As I thought through this question for this week, there were several things that came to my mind.  The first was a positive relationship, or one that I did well which was my relationship with my best friend, Brian.  This was a relationship that started our freshman year of college and has been filled with several meaningful experiences throughout the years.  It was one of those relationships where we enjoy spending time together, have a great deal in common, and get along great on almost everything.  (He loves the Yankees and I love the Red Sox!)  This relationship has been one that has developed and lasted long after our college years because we communicate with each other, hold each other accountable, and trust each other.  These are things that are crucial to relationships as they develop.  There is a need to communicate with one another about the various areas/items of your lives.  By having good communication you are able to articulate your thoughts and expectations so that you can achieve them for the other person and vice versa.  Accountability is another piece that is helpful to relationships as it serves as a building block to build the other person up through helping them achieving their goals and stick to what they set out to do.  Finally, relationships almost always seem to boil down to trust.  Can you trust the other person with the details, including the messy ones, of your life?  By developing a level of trust, which takes time and effort, a good relationship can happen.

            Now I want to take a few moments to reflect upon one of the “bad” relationship that I experienced during my lifetime.  I would like to say that there is only one “bad” relationship that I could sight, however that would be an understatement.  There have been several “bad” relationships that I have experienced including dating relationships and friendships.  However, the most pressing one that came to mind happened in college with a gentleman who was mentoring me through some difficult things in my life.  Throughout our time together we would talk about the issues I was facing and he would offer some advice for the situations that I was going through.  I found myself growing more comfortable with sharing my heart with him and remember that we had some pretty personal conversations.  A couple of days after we had met I found out that he shared an intimate situation that I had shared with him, in confidence, with several of the other students at the university.  I found myself feeling betrayed by him and when I confronted him about it, he told me that he had no idea how they found out even though he was the only one that I told.  I began to question if I could ever trust anyone again as here was someone that I had poured my heart to that fractured my trust not only in this relationship but also, potentially, in future ones.  I remember that it took a great deal of time to open back up to really anyone after this, but I have regained trust for others with time.

            As you think back through your life, what are some relationships that you have had in your life that have been uplifting and healthy?  What are some that have been detrimental or destructive?  From your experiences have you learned how to utilize your positive relationships to enhance the relationships that are struggling?  Are you allowing the negative relationships to deter you from developing healthy relationships?  I challenge you to examine your life and think about the relationships that you have while asking yourself, “What am I writing in the story of others through my relationship with them” and “How does your relationship with others affect how they think about Jesus?”