Are You Playing for Keeps With Your Love?

          As a freshman in college I recall the first time that my understanding of the word “Love” was challenged.  We were sitting at the Dean of Students house watching a DVD that our Resident Director had selected.  This DVD was a part of our Bible Study for the evening but I can still recall the layout of the room, who was there, and most importantly the content of the discussion that followed.  This evening forever altered my understanding of love and the use of that special word.

            In order to gain a better understanding of this theme I need to back up a few years to my high school days.  I realized very quickly the impact that saying “I love you” could have on the heart of a young lady.  I rapidly understood that if you say these three simple words, a young ladies heart would melt and she would typically trust you completely.  (Now keep in mind that this is solely based on my experience as I know there are exceptions to this thought).  I moved through relationships with the thought that saying, “I love you” to a girl would convince her that I really cared and make our relationship last longer. During high school I found myself bouncing from one relationship to the next uttering the phrase, “I love you” to whichever girl I was dating at the time.  However, this “love” always seemed to fade and slip into the background and the relationship would end leaving me looking for the next girl I could date. 

            Now fast-forward back to that night during my freshman year of college where my understanding of the word “love” changed completely.  That night I realized that the reason that my understanding of “love” was so unimportant is because of the shallow nature that it held.  Instead of truly understanding the depth of what “love” really meant, I was using the same word for how I felt about another person as how I felt about a restaurant or a prized possession.  In one breath I could tell someone that I loved them and then with the next say I love that place or thing without missing a beat.  My understanding of love was shallow and incomplete.  I needed to redefine what “love” really meant to me and stop the rampant misuse of the word that I was allowing to run my life.

            Since that evening I came to realize that love is so much more than a word to be thrown around.  Love is defined as a “profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person,” which is only a part of the definition to me.  While the definition of this word may reflect a thoughtful fondness towards someone else how we fulfill this affection/fondness towards someone is where the “rubber meets the road” especially in parenting our children.

A clear picture of this was painted for me when I read the book Playing for Keeps by Reggie Joiner & Kristin Ivy.  In the chapter devoted to this them they illustrate that love over time equals worth.  Reflecting upon my life this is extremely evident as those people who have said they love me (and shown it) over time validates me as a person.  Our self-worth and value is impacted greatly by the response, care, and attention that we get from other people which is why the concept of “love” carries so much weight.  To say and show that you love someone gives them the assurance that their “worth” is intact.  However, as a parent I coming to terms that there is another step in this process of letting someone know that you love them.  As parents we often times believe that since we know we love our children, and we tell them that we love them, they should understand that we love them.  However, their subconscious reaction is … prove it!

So how do we “prove it” to our children?  It’s really a simple formula of three things, show up, know them, and never run away.  “It’s really pretty simple.  When we show up and make rules, we prove to them we care.  When they break the rules and we show up anyway, we prove to them we still care.  We prove to them they have worth, and we are committed to them even when it’s difficult, inconvenient, and messy” (p. 63). 

So as you think about your own life and the impact that you can have on your children remember to love them over time.  Show up at your children’s events and be the loudest cheerleader that they have, even if it embarrasses them, because they will know that you love them.  Know them by being involved in their lives, however taxing this may be.  Find out about their likes and dislikes.  Participate in those things even if they make your skin crawl to show them that you love them.  Finally, never run away.  There will be times as a parent where things are difficult, inconvenient, and messy but sticking with our children during those moments conveys the depth of our love for them.  The lives of our children/students are extremely important so we need to be intentional about investing our love into their lives so we can cultivate their self-worth that they will carry forever.

We look forward to partnering with you and sharing in this discussion as we seek to impact the next generation with the combined influence of parents and the church!