Learning to Love Through Loss

             The past couple of months have been a blur for our family.  We moved to a new town to start ministering to a new group of students and began this new chapter of our life.  As we have been learning our new town, new students, and striving to adjust to our new way of life some things get shoved aside sometimes.  The item that has been shoved aside for the past few weeks for me were the events of June 29^th that transpired five years ago.

            You see, June 29^th marks a day that will forever live in our hearts as that was the day that we welcomed our daughter Callie Grace Hart into this world.  Callie was a beautiful little baby with bright red lips who we had grown to cherish while my wife was pregnant with her.  At the 33 week check-up (June 27, 2007) we found out that Callie didn’t have a heartbeat and would be stillborn.  We were absolutely crushed and prayed for a miracle over the next two days.   On Friday morning around 9:23 am Callie entered this world only to have a few moments with her mom and dad before being taken away from us.  The tears we shed, the questions we asked, and the heartache we endured still remains fresh in our minds daily.  A few days later we buried our little angel and said goodbye to her physical body for the last time.  Although we have various memories of her throughout our house such a self in memory of her, pictures from the hospital, and even a little stone that I carry around in my pocket, the pain is still so real.  Although we will never see, hold, hug, or kiss our little girl this side of heaven, her life forever impacted several people and continues to be a ministry for Mindy and I, even though Callie never took a breath in this world.

            Each year we strive to remember our little girl by celebrating her birthday as a family.  Each time we do this it becomes more challenging as we seek to honor her life and remember the lessons that she taught us.  This year we took balloons with pictures Corban and Ellie had colored for their “sissy” in heaven and let them go in a park.  We sang Happy Birthday to Callie, enjoyed some cupcakes and tried to honor the life she represents, however brief it was.  This year however, was the most challenging for me because as Corban & Ellie get older they start asking more questions about Callie.  This year, Corban was stuck on the fact that Callie was not there so how could we have a party for her or sing Happy Birthday to her.  This caused Mindy and I both to break into tears several times during the “celebration.”  It was a challenging day but we wanted to strive to teach our children about their sister in heaven. 

It’s a hard thing to endure the loss of a child, something that we will never get over or forget.  Callie Grace touched our lives in a way that was so deep, because for me she taught me how to love.  Although I have known “love” in a variety of forms from my family, my wife, and friends through the years, Callie taught me about a different kind of love.  She taught me about sacrificial love and for the first time in my life, I started to really understand how much God loves me.  You see, God sacrificed His own Son on the cross so that I could have eternal life with Him and be reunited with my daughter one day.  The sacrifice He chose was great and very painful.  Callie Grace taught me about how you can love someone so much and lose them forever without any control over the situation.  While our loss may seem to fail in comparison to the loss that God endured when Jesus was crucified, our little girl showed us the depth of God’s love for us.  Without ever taking a breath or speaking a word she showed her daddy what it means to truly lay down your life for someone else.  She showed me what true love really is and I will forever be grateful to her for that lesson.

Callie Grace, you are missed dearly and we look forward to the day we will get to hold you in heaven!