Are You Playing for Keeps With Your Words?

          We have all heard the old phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  This old saying was taught to us, probably as children, as a means to deflect the negative words that others would say about us.  However, as I quickly found out there was little truth to this statement as the negative words of others cut through me rapidly and altered my way of life. 

            The most evident example that I can think of this occurring was during my sophomore and junior years of high school.  During this time I had broken up with my girlfriend and another guy began dating her shortly after.  He took it upon himself to harass me daily about him being with her by calling me several names and even getting his friends to jump in on the harassment.  There were several days that I would walk the halls of our school hearing things shouted at me that tore apart my self-esteem and identity.  However, despite the torment from them I vowed never to let them know the effect that they were having on me.  I bottled everything up inside and never let it out, which wasn’t a wise decision either.  For over a year I listened to people all around me call me names and ridicule me.  Needless to say it was one of the most challenging situations in my life.

            As I think back to that time in my life, I question my own worth, decisions, and other things taking place in my life during that time simply because of the negative words of a few.  Have you ever stopped to think of the impact of the words that you say or the way that you say them?  For me personally, I never really gave that much thought to the words that I said until I entered into ministry because of the impactful state that students are at during middle school and high school.  Their minds are impressionable and one slip of the tongue could cause their life to be altered forever.  Words (not to mention tone) can say a lot about a person or to a person and should not be taken lightly.

            This past Sunday, was a prime example of words having a positive effect on the life of someone else.  Our church was able to recognize the graduating seniors from our local high schools with a special prayer written for each of them, a brunch in their honor, and special gifts from the church being presented to them.  However, the most meaningful experience of the morning was something that I observed during the brunch.  We had asked parents to write a “blessing” for their student that would unleash them into adulthood.  This blessing was not to focus on the achievements/accomplishments of the student but their identity as a child of their parents and of God.  As I watched various families share their blessings with their students, the tears were running rampant because of the power of the words that were being spoken.  While the parents wrestled with the words they had written, the students wrestled with hearing them for the first-time.  Needless to say there were numerous tissues being passed around, but it demonstrated the power of words.  During this time the parents were able to summarize the words that had been spoken to their teenager over time forever altering their direction in life.  You see when you speak positive words of affirmation and affection into the life of someone over time you affect the direction of their life.

            As a parent this may be challenging because we may lose focus of our overarching goal of influence due to the challenges that parenting presents.  However, by striving to speak positive and affirming words into the lives of our children, we will make an impact.  This may mean that we need to learn another language (please note that I am not talking about learning another language such as French or Spanish) by learning the terms, phrases, and words that our students use in order to impact them more fully.  We need to weigh what we say.  Our words carry weight, to influence the direction of someone’s life, so we should carefully evaluate the advice that we offer, the topics that we bring up, and the opportunities to speak Truth into the lives of our children.  Also, one of the beautiful things that I am finding more and more of each day is that there are people who are much smarter than I am who understand practical ways to utilize our words.  Due to their resources we can recycle big ideas (or their ideas) to better impact our children with our words.

If you are struggling today with your words and wondering if they are making a difference, remember the words that authors Reggie Joiner and Kristin Ivy share in their book Playing for Keeps, “But even when you don’t know it, your words have the power to help kids and teenagers win” (p. 82).  Your words have the ability to help your children/students win so take the time to learn another language, weigh your words carefully, and recycle the big ideas of others to have a greater impact.

The lives of our children/students are extremely important so we need to be intentional about investing our words into their lives so we can direct their life in a positive direction that they will live out forever.  We look forward to partnering with you and sharing in this discussion as we seek to impact the next generation with the combined influence of parents and the church!