Are You Playing for Keeps With Tribes?

          I want to relive a moment that probably happened to several of us during our childhood.  It’s one of those memories that we chose to forget and act like it never happened but the reality is that it happened to us.  The scarier thing is that it is still happening today.  What am I talking about?  The feeling of walking into a room with several people, who are all connected with each other, sitting together, talking together, and laughing together, without you.  For me I remember this struggle occurred primarily during my middle school years.  I remember longing to connect with the “cool” kids only to be met with situations that felt like the scene from Forrest Gump when Forrest can’t find a seat on the bus.

            At the time I was unable to put my finger on why this was so important to me and why the rejection hurt so badly.  However, now I realize why these situations affected me so much, as it goes back all the way to the creation of man in the Bible.  When God created Adam in the garden He gave Adam a great responsibility but there was a problem as we see illustrated in Genesis 2:20, “The man gave names to all the livestock, to the birds of the sky, and to every wild animal; but for the man no helper was found as his complement” (HSCB).  God searched everywhere for a suitable helper but not one was found.  As I reread this passage several times over the past years it became increasingly obvious why the rejection I faced in middle school hurt so much.  It’s because we are all trying to fit in somewhere but when the loneliness, isolation, and rejection continue to be present we begin to feel disconnected.  As humans we are created with the desire to connect and to belong, just as Adam was in the beginning.

            Just as God sought to connect Adam to another person, we long to be connected to other people.  Jesus provided that connection on the fullest level with His death on the cross that led to His resurrection.  Because of that sacrifice we are able to have a personal relationship with God that otherwise would have been impossible.  God made a way for us to belong by extending us grace through His Son, Jesus Christ.  Authors Reggie Joiner and Kristin Ivy state it this way in their book Playing for Keeps, “Grace means you don’t belong because you deserve to belong.  You belong because God has accepted and forgiven you.  You are known by God in a way you are not known by anyone, (every thought, every desire, every action), and yet He has welcomed you into His tribe forever.” (p. 144).  God knows that we have this longing to belong, because He instilled it in us, so is it any wonder why we long to belong to certain groups, find our place, or develop a connection with other people?  Joiner and Ivy identify these groups as “tribes” which allows us to have a sense of belonging with others.

            What “tribes” are you a part of and is there someone on the outside who is longing to connect to it?  Just as Jesus came to us when we were broken, lonely, and wounded and gave us a seat at His table, we must be willing to do the same with others in our sphere of influence, including our children.  As a parent this may be challenging because we may lose focus of our overarching goal of influence due to the challenges that parenting presents.  However, by striving to keep a tradition with our children/students (or develop a new one), eating a meal together, or simply saving a “special” seat for them we are instilling the connection to the tribe of our family. 

The lives of our children/students are extremely important so we need to be intentional about utilizing and connecting them to tribes in order to better direct their life in a positive direction.  We look forward to partnering with you and sharing in this discussion as we seek to impact the next generation with the combined influence of parents and the church!