Learning Honor through a Broken Curfew and a Speeding Ticket

          I can remember the rush of freedom that I experienced when I held that new card in my hand and imagined all of the adventures that I could take with it.  I remember thinking that I had finally reached a point of independence and nothing would hold me back.  I was only sixteen but the freedom that came from holding my freshly created driver’s license was overwhelming.  In that moment I suddenly realized that I could be free to come and go as I pleased, or at least I thought.  However, one of the biggest blessings of having my driver’s license was that I could see my girlfriend, who lived 15-20 minutes away, at my convenience.  I remember traveling to her house the first evening after getting my license and feeling like nothing could stop me from doing whatever I wanted.  However, after I underestimated the time it took to get back home from her house the first night and missed my curfew.  The same thing happened the next night and the next night for an entire week.  Needless to say, by the time the end of the week hit I wasn’t feeling invincible but rather walking the fine line between trying to spend as much time with my girlfriend as possible yet not break my curfew again.  As I left my house one week after getting my license my parents told me that if I was late again I would lose my license and car for a period of time.  So much for independence and freedom, as I now found myself bordering losing it all.  That evening I kept a careful eye on the clock and when the time came to leave I left, alright in all honesty I left a few minutes late again.  I began the furious drive home to make in time to meet my curfew and then it happened.  I suddenly looked in my rearview mirror to see red and blue lights flashing and knew I was in more trouble than simply losing my license and car for a few days.  I received my first ticket, which was for a considerable amount of money since I was driving at reckless driving speeds on a country road.  As I pulled into the driveway of my house that evening, I held my breath as I knew that I was in for it.  When I walked in the door I quickly explained everything to my parents, showed them the ticket, and promised that I would pay for it with the money I had saved from my job of waiting tables.  I was genuinely sorry and they saw that in my face and heard it in my words, which led them to simply say, “Go to your room and get some sleep.”  I thought my parents were crazy for this reaction but years later I realized that they knew that I had learned my lesson the hard way and they didn’t need to punish me anymore. 

            I was reminded of this situation again this past week as I read a couple of verses from Ephesians 6, specifically verses one to three.  This passage states, “Children, obey your parents as you would the Lord, because this is right.  Honor your father and mother, which the first commandant with a promise, so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land” (HCSB).  As I read these verses I remembered the fact that by confessing my mistake of being late (not to mention the speeding ticket) and working to find a solution to this problem that I was honoring my parents.  While I didn’t always do a great job with this I did in this case, which showed my parents that I was trying to honor them and allowed me to embrace the benefits that Paul outlines in Ephesians 6:3 stating, “so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land.”  I still had to reap the consequences but only those that were self-imposed because I was willing to honor my parents.  I realized in that moment that rather than reacting to my parents I needed to accept responsibility for my own actions because I’m not responsible for what our parents do, but I am responsible for what I do.”  This same truth is still applicable years later as I can’t change or escape my parents but I can seek to find ways to honor them because I am responsible for what I do.

            Today, I would like to leave you with a question to consider about your relationship with your parents and to discuss with your children.  “Do you think respecting your parents will lead to more freedom?  Why or why not?   As you wrestle with this question I challenge you to think about what the concepts of respect, freedom, and honor mean in your house.  As you work through this issue remember that while you may have a shaky relationship with your parents or children currently, you can change that because “You are not responsible for what your parents do, but you are responsible for what you do.”

Squirrel!!!

            A few years ago there was a movie that came out and one piece quickly resonated with me.  The movie was Up and it wasn’t the storyline that engaged me so much as the character of the dog who was easily side-tracked and the phrase “Squirrel” captured the attention of many people, including myself. 

            I wondered why I identified with this character and particularly this one phrase so much, and then I realized that it is because this is the culture that we live in today.  We often times find ourselves jumping from one new idea to the next.  We see something new, creative, or shiny and instantly we are ready to jump ship to whatever the new “thing” is.  Please understand that I am not shying away from new ideas or creativity but I think there needs to be a balance with where our attention goes because “when we give something our attention, we move in that direction.”  The direction can be beneficial, worthwhile, and even successful but the reality is that we must be careful how frequently we jump to a new “thing” or how quickly we buy into the new idea.  Pastor and author Carey Nieuwhof talks about this concept in his book Leading Change Without Losing It by saying, “When you introduce change in virtually any arena, you get a variety of responses.  They range from ‘enthusiastic embrace’ to ‘deep resistance.’  What notable is that people’s responses are, for the most part, predictable” (p. 34).  He goes on talk about the four main groups of people that can exist when change presents itself which are the early adopters, early majority, quiet majority, and opponents.  This book is a wonderful resource to anyone who may be leading change or encounter it and is available on Amazon at:

http://www.amazon.com/Leading-Change-Without-Losing-ebook/dp/B00AAGM1KG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1381424460&sr=8-1&keywords=leading+change+without+losing+it.

            So with that being said, think about this statement again, “When you give something your attention, you move in that direction.  There are many times throughout our lives that we find ourselves getting sidetracked, hung up on the obstacles, or deterred from our ultimate destination because of something that grabs our attention on the side of the road.  This isn’t a new theme but rather something that has been around since the time of the Bible.  Throughout God’s Word, there are specific examples of God fighting relentlessly for our attention, because of His love for us.  Occurrences of God fighting for our attention are evident through the stories of Moses (Deuteronomy 7:12), David (Psalm 119:35-37), Solomon (Proverbs 4:25-27), and Jesus (Matthew 6:22).   I encourage you to read these verses and think about the great lengths that God has went to capture and keep your attention.  Why does God so passionate about finding ways to keep our attention?  The answer is because He loves you and He would love for you to avoid the pain and frustration that comes when we find that we are lost in a place we never intended to be. 

So my question for you today is, “If you’re not heading in the direction you want, what has got your attention?”

Lessons from the Bearded Boys of Beantown

            Anyone who spends any amount of time with me will quickly discover that I love the Boston Red Sox’s.  What began in college as an attempt to “spite” my best friend, who happens to be a Yankee’s fan, has grown into an obsession.  This obsession has led me to see Fenway Park up close and personal, acquire several pieces of Red Sox memorabilia, and even rub shoulders with a couple of players prior to one of their games.  Overall my desire to follow the Red Sox’s started on a foolish whim but has become something that I love to follow.

            As with any sports team there are high moments and low moments.  Last year I watched the Red Sox struggle through one of the roughest seasons that they have ever had with poor management, a huge payroll, and several off-the-field issues.  Needless to say when everything was said and done they finished last in the division, traded off several of their “key pieces for the future” and fired their manager.  After watching that it was painful to admit that I was a fan of the Red Sox but their winning ways returned this year and taught me several things about leading and working together as a team. 

            After watching the Red Sox this season I noticed four lessons that have impacted my leadership style this season.  First, is watching what they did in the offseason where they had been known to spend a lot of money to get the best players possible, which as we witnessed in the 2011-2012 season blew up in our faces.  However, this past offseason was different as they sought to bring in a quality manager, acquire role players who had outstanding character, and develop new prospects that could better the team.  They were willing to make worthwhile investments without breaking the bank, although they did spend more money than I will probably ever make in my lifetime.  As a leader I wondered about the investments that I make with our students and volunteers.  Are these worthwhile investments?  Do they help to empower and equip our volunteers?  Do our students come to a deeper realization of God’s love for them through our programs?  I firmly believe that these pieces are not only important but being lived into daily.

            The second lesson that I have seen is the need to work together as a team.  Teamwork is something that can easily be overlooked in leadership as each person desires for their ideas to be heard and implemented.  However, listening to the ideas of others, channeling creativity, and working together are invaluable pieces of leadership and help a team function more effectively.  The third lesson ties in nicely with the idea of working together as a team which is trusting in the unique strengths and abilities of each person on your team.  God has blessed each person with special gifts and abilities that should be lived into.  As a team we should be willing to let each other live into our strengths, while acknowledging our weaknesses.  In the world of the Red Sox’s David Ortiz isn’t a threat to steal bases, but Jacoby Ellsbury is, a unique skill that has been developed in over several years.  In the same way in leadership, we need to place our volunteers in positions for the greatest success based on their gifts and talents.  For me, I wouldn’t put someone with a fear of public speaking in front of the youth group to give a lesson, but their administrative gifts may help the ministry to run more smoothly. 

            Finally, is the lesson of believing in yourself and your team.  A year ago there was a small percentage of people who believed the Red Sox’s could win the division, make the playoffs, and have as much success as they have.  A large portion of this group was the players, management, and owners who believed in themselves, worked diligently to achieve their goals, and have been able to celebrate their success.  In the same way as leaders we need to believe in ourselves and our team, while trusting that God will provide numerous success stories for us to share.

            You may not be a Red Sox’s fan but their formula for success this year has led to the most wins in baseball this year.  So as you think about your leadership style are there pieces you can implement to help your team and you succeed?

How I Leaned So Far Into Myself That I Fell On My Face

          I remember the morning of May 9, 2008 so clearly.  On that morning we woke up extra early to drive to the hospital to meet our new son.  That would be the day that joy would overflow as we would hold the little guy in our arms for the first time, kiss his forehead and see him smile.  As we arrived at the hospital we were filled with excitement and anticipation but there was also a sense of unrest that we didn’t want to talk about. 

            After losing our daughter, Callie Grace, we were excited yet nervous about Corban entering the world.  What if something didn’t go just as planned?  What if there were complications?  Was there something that the doctors missed that could cause us more heartache? All of these thoughts were racing through my mind but that all changed when I heard that first “little” cry come out of his mouth.  My wife and I both breathed a sigh of relief as we felt the burden lifted.  However, after walking my son to the nursery for his check-ups, we took a turn for the worse.  Corban began to have trouble breathing and the doctors decided to have him admitted to the NICU.  A couple of days into him being in the NICU things were turning even worse.  I found myself listening to every bell and noise trying to determine what the best course of treatment would be for him.  I remember trying to advise the doctors and nurses of how to care for my son, even though I have limited medical knowledge and they had several other babies to care for as well.  I remember trying to find the best solution to help my son moment by moment which left me exhausted and confused.  About two weeks after he was admitted to the NICU, my wife and I sat down with one of the doctors to have a tough discussion.  She informed us that the treatments weren’t working and if something didn’t change shortly they would have to transport him to a specialty hospital to try to save his life. 

It was at that moment that everything changed for me. I realized that my pushy behavior had damaged the relationship that we had with those caring for my son.  I realized that the listening to every noise and taking pages of notes to try to determine the best course of care had only left me exhausted as the doctor’s knew how to handle his treatment the best.  At that moment, I looked at the doctor with tears in my eyes and said, “I don’t care what it takes, we trust you, just save our little boy.”  At that moment everything changed not only with my own understanding of the situation, but with the relationship we had with the doctors and nurses, the treatment that I saw him receiving, and his overall health.  I realized at that moment that I had been leaning on my own understanding, experience, and knowledge rather than trusting God’s provision. 

            This past week I was reminded of these thoughts and emotions as our students focused on the familiar verses from Proverbs 3:5-6 which says, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths” (HSCB).  As I thought about these verses I recalled the fact that I spent the first two weeks of my son’s life leaning into my own understanding, experience, and knowledge (or lack thereof) rather than trusting in God to care for and heal my son.  As I have thought about these verses during these last few days I recalled the number of times throughout my life that I have leaned so far into myself that I fell face down on the pavement.  After thinking about these situations I realized that God has been reminding me of this lesson for several years. 

So my question for you today is, “What does it look like to lean on God’s understanding?”  As you wrestle with this question think about the choices you have made in your life that have taken you to the path you are on.  Were there times that God wanted you to lean into Him but you chose to lean into your own experience, knowledge, and understanding?  Is there a way to make a shift in your thinking to embrace Solomon’s words in Proverbs rather than trusting in yourself?  I challenge you to be courageous enough to listen for God’s leading in your life and lean into His love for you.

            This Sunday we will finish our series Road Signs which has been designed to have us look at the road signs of life and provide our students and their families with questions for discussion that connect to the lessons we are presenting weekly.  Our hope is that you will continue to join us on this journey as we seek to navigate the road of our lives laid out before us while seeking to be attentive to God’s directions.

What Catching My Garage on Fire Taught Me about Course Correction

          As a child I had a fascination with science, which always interesting to me because I hated math class.  I was always under the impression that the two went hand-in-hand however in my life they never did.  Maybe it was the chemistry or physics but for whatever reason science excited me and I loved learning about it.  Perhaps was the award I won in fifth grade at our annual science fair for doing a project that was well beyond my years and knowledge (although in all honesty it came straight out of our textbook)!  For whatever reason, I loved science and doing experiments that helped me learn more about the world.

One afternoon I decided that I would try an experiment in our garage using a candle, a plastic cup, and rubbing alcohol.  (As a parent I now look back on this experience as one of the most foolish things I ever did as a child).  I began by putting the rubbing alcohol in the cup and lighting the candle.  My thought was that the wax would drip from the candle over the rubbing alcohol and seal it in the cup.  After a couple of sparks, the experiment began to work and I thought I was proving myself right, but then something changed and reminded me why I was a child in the garage and not on a television show doing science experiments.  A piece of the wick broke loose and fell into the cup lighting it and a large section of our wood paneling on the wall on fire.  I quickly tried to think of ways to put out the fire without my parents knowing but then realized the fire was spreading so I yelled for my mom to come and help me.  As she rushed out the door the first concern was getting the spreading fire out, while the second (which I was dreading more) would be the punishment to follow.  We were able to get the fire out and then I had to tell my dad about my “experiment” gone bad when he got home.  I remember thinking that I would receive the punishment of a lifetime because there was (and still is a nice black mark on the garage wall from this); however the result was drastically different.  My dad encouraged my creativity and liked my initiative in trying an experiment.  I explained to him that I could have burnt the entire house down, leaving us homeless, which he understood but yet he encouraged my creativity.  Later I did get grounded for a significant amount of time but that seemed minor in the grand scheme of things.

      This experience however taught me a couple interesting lessons about life.  The first is never to mix any type of alcohol with an open flame.  But the second is that I should have paid more attention to the few “sparks” that popped out of the cup at the start of the experiment rather than ignoring them and catching a portion of the wall on fire.  This past week we challenged our students to look for warning signs in their lives to deter them from pain and hardship.  I understand that not all suffering or pain comes with a warning sign but many times there are small things that could catch our attention if we were looking for them.  Think about your own life and ask yourself what would have happened if I was looking for a warning sign?  Then think about the question, what would have happened if I turned around when I saw it?  Each person and situation will be different but the reality of potentially avoiding pain, suffering, or hardship should present itself.

So my question for you today is, “What will you gain if you change direction in certain areas of your life?”  As you wrestle with this question think about the choices you have made in your life that have taken you to the path you are on.  Were there warning signs along the road?  Were there opportunities to make a course correction on your journey?  Rather than spending time beating yourself up about past decisions, is there a way to make a shift on your path now?  If so I challenge you to be bold enough to take it, making your course correction and hopefully avoiding pain, suffering, or heartache in the future.

            Over the next few weeks we will continue this journey through our Road Signs series which is designed to have us look at the road signs of life and provide students and their families with questions for discussion that connect to the lessons we are presenting weekly.  Our hope is that you will join us on this journey as we seek to navigate the road of our lives laid out before us while seeking to be attentive to God’s directions.

Intensions vs. Direction

          Shortly after getting my driver’s license I remember setting out on a quest to prove that I could get to where I needed to go and do so by myself.  This was partially attributed to the fact that I was a teenager but more so because I wanted to be a man, proving that I could do it alone.  I wanted to begin to establish my independence so what better way than to take a road trip somewhere I had never been before and then come back home all without the help of an atlas or map (keep in mind this was pre-GPS). 

As I began my journey, I believed that I could accomplish anything and that this journey would be life-changing and memorable.  Well, it was both of those things because over an hour later I found myself in some deserted town, literally in the middle of nowhere.  The sun was beginning to set and I knew I was in trouble.  I did what every good man does in this situation, which was sucking up my pride and calling for help.  I dialed my home phone number and waited for my mom or dad to answer the phone.  As I began to describe the situation to them, they didn’t laugh or ridicule me, they simply gave me a few simple instructions of how to get back home.  As I walked in the door that night, they didn’t push the issue because they knew that I had learned my lesson and that it probably wouldn’t happen again (at least not intentionally).

That evening taught me a powerful lesson that I was able to share with our students this past week.  When I set out that evening I had the best intentions of establishing my independence, proving myself as a good driver, and feeling like I had accomplished something.  As I started driving I didn’t plan on getting lost, know when I was getting lost, I just knew that I was lost!  However, despite my good intentions my direction ultimately determined my destination.  That evening taught me the important lesson which was that “Your direction, not your intensions, determines your destination.”  Our culture tells us that as long as your intentions are good, it doesn’t matter what path you take.  But the path you take trumps your good intensions. 

The path we choose with our families, faith journey, words and actions does indeed trump our intentions because it can guide us in a different direction entirely.  An example of this is desiring to have a deeper relationship with God, but when we wake up each morning we check our email, scroll through our Twitter feed, or favorite photos on Instagram.    

So my question for you today is, “Is your direction, not your intensions taking you to the destination that you desire to go?”  As you wrestle with this question think about the differences between intensions and direction, which will help guide you through this process.  (You could start by using these two examples which have transferrable phrases for every area of your life):

·       What are your intensions for your family?  Is the direction you are heading taking you to where you want to go?

·       What are your intensions with your faith journey?  Is the direction you are heading taking you to where you want to go?

            Over the next few weeks we will continue this journey through our Road Signs series which is designed to have us look at the road signs of life and provide students and their families with questions for discussion that connect to the lessons we are presenting weekly.  Our hope is that you will join us on this journey as we seek to navigate the road of our lives laid out before us while seeking to be attentive to God’s directions.

Is Your GPS Broken?

          When I learned to drive at the age of fifteen I always hoped that I would be able to find my destination without getting lost.  I remember learning how to navigate a map because I was still learning to drive before GPS’s were everywhere.  There were a few times that I ended up lost, which is bound to happen, however today I would like to share one joyous experience that happened with my navigation skills.

            After my freshman year in college, I went to work at a church summer camp that I had fallen in love during my high school years.  This camp is very dear to my heart as I have several amazing memories of meeting new friends and having God work in my life there.  When the opportunity presented itself to work on staff at the camp I willingly jumped on board.  Being my first summer after a year of college I was still trying to get used to the whole “being an adult” thing which meant being away from my family most weekends.  One weekend in particular I was scheduled to work the entire weekend, which happened to coincide with our family reunion.  I remember having to tell my parents that I couldn’t be there, who were saddened that their “little boy” wouldn’t be joining them.  However, at the last minute on Friday afternoon our director informed me that we had done such a great job that week, that we could have the entire weekend off.  I became very excited as I thought about what an amazing surprise it would be for me to surprise my parents and the rest of my family at the reunion.  I quickly packed a bag, hopped in the car and drove to one of the few gas stations in town.  I bought an atlas and off I went, however shortly into the drive I realized that I didn’t know exactly where the reunion was, let alone how to get there.  I pulled off on an exit and thought up a plan of contacting another family member who informed me of the location of the hotel and the reunion which led me right back on the road.  A couple of hours later I found myself pulling into the hotel parking lot excited to see my family.  This experience taught me a couple things about driving, directions, and attempting to pull off surprises for other people.  First, I realized that even though my intentions were good about surprising my family, without the proper directions I couldn’t get there.  Second, at the first warning sign (not knowing where I was going); I needed to stop, get some advice, and turn around.  Thankfully since then directions have come pretty easily to me either through our GPS or my phone, but usually after one trip somewhere I can find my way back several times without any assistance.

 

            After thinking back to this story I recalled the number of times our lives are similar to this.  How many times to we get in the car, press the accelerator without any idea of where we are going?  How many times to we ignore the warning or caution signs on the side of the road to get to where we think our destination is?  How do we know if we are even on the right road?  These are all questions that parallel driving and our journey of faith.  We must be willing to acknowledge the road signs of life; before we drift so far off the road we cause damage to ourselves or others.

            As we move through the next few weeks at Refuge, our youth ministry at Faith UMC we will be discussing a series called Road Signs.  Here is a snapshot of this series:  “If you set your course in the wrong direction, you’ll end up in the wrong place every time.  No matter where you hope to end up, the road you choose matters.  The book of Proverbs gives us wisdom to help navigate the choices of life, because we know that each choice determines the direction of our lives.  And it’s our direction, not our intention that ultimately determines our destination.  Where are you heading?  What path are you on?”

            Over the next few weeks we will be journeying through this series looking at the road signs of life and providing our families with questions for discussion that connect to the lessons we are presenting their students.  Our hope is that you will join us on this journey as we seek to navigate the road of our lives laid out before us while seeking to be attentive to God’s directions.