What Miley Cyrus & the VMA’s Taught Me About Parenting

          This past Sunday evening was an amazing time for me as I was able to gather together with several of our youth ministry volunteers and a few of our student leaders to dream and create some exciting new pieces for our youth ministry.  It was truly amazing to hear their discussions, share their ideas, and see their passion.  While I was still riding the coattails of this amazing evening, I woke up Monday morning to the bombardment of a “performance” that had happened on Sunday evening as a part of the Video Music Awards on MTV.

            This “performance” stirred up a great deal of controversy, which many will argue is exactly what the VMA’s were created for and known for, especially over the last decade.  This “performance” was quickly one of the top viewed videos on YouTube, created all kinds of buzz on social media and in the blogging world, and deposited several thousands (if not millions) of dollars into this individual’s bank account.  Maybe you have already seen the video of this performance, maybe you haven’t but as a youth worker I am sure that several of students around the world have which prompts a response from us. 

If you are unsure of what I am talking about, you can Google “Miley's VMA Performance” to see the video.” Don't watch it with kids around. I won't post it here.

            On Sunday evening Miley Cyrus took it upon herself to continue to shed her former Hannah Montana self and become who she has been told, by the world, she needs to be.  This post is not meant to critique the performance, bad-mouth her for seeking a way to make more money, to criticize her parents, or even try to rationalize her thinking. 

This is post written by a dad who desires to communicate love to his children and how this performance triggered a response from me to do just that with my own children.  As I have read several responses to this incident, it has been interesting to see the focus of these writings.  Some talk about how we can help Miley understand she is child of God, others talk about reaching out to her mother who gave her a thumb’s up for her performance, while yet others suggest that we complete isolate ourselves as Christians from her and modern day media.  As I read these responses there is Truth is some of the statements however, I doubt that I will ever come into contact with Miley Cyrus so I can’t change her but what I can do is seek to implement change in the lives of those children/youth that I have direct contact with, specifically my own. 

Several years ago, I read a study that talked about the influence that parents have with their children.  You see parents are still the number one influence in the life of a child simply because of the over 3,000 hours of influence they can have in a given year.  By default, as parents, we have the ability to influence our children positively or negatively, based on our words and actions.  In other words we have the potential to change our little slice of the world through the impact we have on our children.

After watching this performance I didn’t see the hype, the drug references, or even the absurdity of some of the things that were taking place on stage while it was going on.  What I saw was a child who was forced to grow up in the spotlight where every decision she made was critiqued and questioned.  I saw a girl who is desperate for love and attention, without any strings attached (primarily financial).  I saw a young woman desiring to simply feel valuable.  Ultimately, I saw someone visibly living out the words that author Angie Thomas penned in her book Do You Think I’m Beautiful?, which said “God, do you see me in all this mess and still think I’m beautiful?”  So how does this ultimately impact my parenting towards my own children and the way I minister to students that God has placed in my care?  There are three simple responses that I have gleaned through this experience:

First, there is a need to love my children unconditionally and constantly.  Will there be times that I don’t feel like loving my child, sure, but that should never stop me from showering them with hugs, kisses, words of affirmation, and ultimately God’s love.  The Bible instructs children to honor their parents but I am creating an image that my children will cause them to honor me and understand the depths of my love.

Second, in connection with loving my children unconditionally, we need to love them through their mistakes.  One of the greatest examples that I have seen in parenting, is those parents who allow their children to make mistakes, even though it tears their heart in two, and use that mistake to express their love on a whole other level.  Personally, I have some friends who have watched their child make poor decisions and go to prison yet love her unconditionally.  This is the type of parent that I want to be who can learn to love through the mistakes they make and make them a better person because of it.

            Third and finally, there is the need for me to set a positive and healthy example of what love looks like in the way I treat my wife.  One of the most powerful means of influence that I have witnessed is that of modeling, and how great of an impact can we have on our children by modeling love towards our spouse?  By serving our spouse, loving them constantly, and sacrificing for them we are instilling an understanding of what love really looks like to our children.

            So as you think about your own life, what things are you currently doing to impact the life of your child?  Cling to those traditions and seek to instill the principles of love, grace, and discipline in their lives.