The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

          This past week our students concluded their series entitled Lovesick focusing on the relationships in their lives.  Here is a snapshot of this series, “There's something pretty amazing about being in love, isn't there? The butterflies in your stomach. The dreamy gazes. No wonder so many of us are so in love with being in love. But if you look around--in the media, at school, in life--we've taken what God created and twisted it, morphed it and configured it into something it was never meant to be--an obsession. When romantic relationships become an obsession, balance goes out the window. We miss out on opportunities and experiences we might otherwise have had. And sometimes we even forget who we are. There's got to be healthier way to do this. There's got to be another way than being so lovesick.”

Each week includes a discussion question/point that our parents and their students are encouraged to wrestle through together.  The third week’s discussion questions read as follows, Parents, share a relationship from your past that you did well, and one that you didn’t. What did you learn from both?

RELATIONSHIPS-the mere word often times stirs a feeling in our stomachs that cause us to either rejoice or cringe depending up our past experiences.  There have been several relationships in my life that have been wonderful, meaningful, and mattered a great deal to me.  However, there have been just as many that have been hurtful or detrimental to me as well.  I am reminded of some of the words that were shared with our students this past week during the lesson.  We asked them to think of their relationships like a story and ask themselves two questions.  The first asked them to fast-forward ten years and ask themselves, “What did I write in this person’s story?”  Was it healthy, manipulative, dishonest, or encouraging?  The second is similar in that students were to ask themselves, “How will my relationship with this person affect how he/she thinks about Jesus?”  Both of these questions illustrate the need to strive for healthy relationships however as many of us know that isn’t always the case.

 

As I thought through this question for this week, there were several things that came to my mind.  The first was a positive relationship, or one that I did well which was my relationship with my best friend, Brian.  This was a relationship that started our freshman year of college and has been filled with several meaningful experiences throughout the years.  It was one of those relationships where we enjoy spending time together, have a great deal in common, and get along great on almost everything.  (He loves the Yankees and I love the Red Sox!)  This relationship has been one that has developed and lasted long after our college years because we communicate with each other, hold each other accountable, and trust each other.  These are things that are crucial to relationships as they develop.  There is a need to communicate with one another about the various areas/items of your lives.  By having good communication you are able to articulate your thoughts and expectations so that you can achieve them for the other person and vice versa.  Accountability is another piece that is helpful to relationships as it serves as a building block to build the other person up through helping them achieving their goals and stick to what they set out to do.  Finally, relationships almost always seem to boil down to trust.  Can you trust the other person with the details, including the messy ones, of your life?  By developing a level of trust, which takes time and effort, a good relationship can happen.

            Now I want to take a few moments to reflect upon one of the “bad” relationship that I experienced during my lifetime.  I would like to say that there is only one “bad” relationship that I could sight, however that would be an understatement.  There have been several “bad” relationships that I have experienced including dating relationships and friendships.  However, the most pressing one that came to mind happened in college with a gentleman who was mentoring me through some difficult things in my life.  Throughout our time together we would talk about the issues I was facing and he would offer some advice for the situations that I was going through.  I found myself growing more comfortable with sharing my heart with him and remember that we had some pretty personal conversations.  A couple of days after we had met I found out that he shared an intimate situation that I had shared with him, in confidence, with several of the other students at the university.  I found myself feeling betrayed by him and when I confronted him about it, he told me that he had no idea how they found out even though he was the only one that I told.  I began to question if I could ever trust anyone again as here was someone that I had poured my heart to that fractured my trust not only in this relationship but also, potentially, in future ones.  I remember that it took a great deal of time to open back up to really anyone after this, but I have regained trust for others with time.

            As you think back through your life, what are some relationships that you have had in your life that have been uplifting and healthy?  What are some that have been detrimental or destructive?  From your experiences have you learned how to utilize your positive relationships to enhance the relationships that are struggling?  Are you allowing the negative relationships to deter you from developing healthy relationships?  I challenge you to examine your life and think about the relationships that you have while asking yourself, “What am I writing in the story of others through my relationship with them” and “How does your relationship with others affect how they think about Jesus?”

Is a Redo Always the Best Thing?

         This past week our students continued in their series entitled Lovesick focusing on the relationships in our lives.  Here is a snapshot of this series, “There's something pretty amazing about being in love, isn't there? The butterflies in your stomach. The dreamy gazes. No wonder so many of us are so in love with being in love. But if you look around--in the media, at school, in life--we've taken what God created and twisted it, morphed it and configured it into something it was never meant to be--an obsession. When romantic relationships become an obsession, balance goes out the window. We miss out on opportunities and experiences we might otherwise have had. And sometimes we even forget who we are. There's got to be healthier way to do this. There's got to be another way than being so lovesick.”

Each week includes a discussion question/point that our parents and their students are encouraged to wrestle through together.  The second week’s discussion questions read as follows, Parents, if you could go back and re-do or undo relationships you had in high school, how would your high school experience have looked differently? What are some things you would have gotten involved in, what would you have pursued or tried?

Early on in life I learned the phrase, “Hindsight is always 20/20.”  As I have moved through my life, I have indeed found this to be true especially in the area of relationships.  As a teenager I found myself moving through my life thinking about the relationships that I had for the moment rather than looking for long-term relationships that would enrich my life for years to come.  This was especially true when it came to my dating relationships starting at the age of sixteen.  My parents were old fashioned and told me that I was not allowed to date until that age, which while it was a struggle, initially, was also beneficial in the long run.  I found myself dating a young lady shortly after my sixteenth birthday and we dated for a few months.  However, after the initial “thrill” wore off I broke up with her (around Valentine’s Day nonetheless) and began a cycle of looking for other relationships.  I found myself seeking out girls from other schools to date hoping to find that initial “thrill” that would hopefully last for a longer time.  However, as time progressed the “thrill” never came back but what did was a cycle of broken hearts (both mine and others) and destruction.  During my college years this cycle continued until I met the woman that would become my wife.  The “thrill” of being in love returned and has grown over the past seven years that I have been married. 

However, I often times wondered what my life would have been like if I would have worked on the dating relationship I was in instead of jumping from one relationship to another?  As I have wrestled with this thought, I have wondered about the number of people that I have hurt or that I have allowed to hurt me through this various relationships.  Would my life have been more full or complete if I had taken a different approach to these relationships?  Would my friendships have been stronger and more lasting?  Has this affected other areas of my life beyond just relationships?

These are all questions that I have thought about several times as I look back on my high school and college career.  Do I believe that my high school/college experience would have been different if I had taken a different approach to relationships?  It is possible but as I think back through the various experiences that I had, I do believe that God used each of those experiences, both good and bad, to shape me into the man that I am today.  Without those experiences would my life be different, absolutely but who knows if that would be better or worse.  I do believe in the words that were penned in Romans 8:28 that state, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  God has indeed worked the various experiences, relationships, and situations of my life together for good even though they may have been a struggle or difficult when I went through them. 

So while my life may have looked different then and now, I don’t feel as though I would want to change anything about my past relationships because they have molded me and shaped me into the man I am today.  As you look back at your life what relationships would like to have a redo on or undo completely?  Have those relationships affected you for the better or worse in your life today?  I challenge you to look for potential “good” that has come from these relationships and see how God has worked everything together for His good.

Lost in Love?

          This past week our students started a new series entitled Lovesick focusing on the relationships in our lives.  Here is a snapshot of this series, “There's something pretty amazing about being in love, isn't there? The butterflies in your stomach. The dreamy gazes. No wonder so many of us are so in love with being in love. But if you look around--in the media, at school, in life--we've taken what God created and twisted it, morphed it and configured it into something it was never meant to be--an obsession. When romantic relationships become an obsession, balance goes out the window. We miss out on opportunities and experiences we might otherwise have had. And sometimes we even forget who we are. There's got to be healthier way to do this. There's got to be another way than being so lovesick.”

Each week includes a discussion question/point that our parents and their students are encouraged to wrestle through together.  The first week’s discussion questions read as follows, Parents, share a time when you were more in love with being in love than you were with the person you were with.

This series is an interesting one for me as I am looking back at some decisions that I made in middle school, high school, and college in regards to my relationships.  There was always something inside of me, even from an early age that made me think that I would be “better off” or “more complete” if I was “in love.”  I found myself trying to impress the most beautiful girls in school through a variety of means with the hope that they would be attracted to me and that I would be complete once this happened.  However, more times than I would like to admit, I found myself feeling more alone, disappointed, and defeated when I looked for love. 

One occurrence of this that I shared with our students this past week happened at my senior prom.  I had asked a friend of mine to see if her younger sister would be interested in going with me.  Shortly after I made the request I received the wonderful news that she would be thrilled to go with me.  I was so excited as I had a beautiful date, who attended another school and I could impress everyone with her.  The truth is, that I really just wanted to impress her but I couldn’t admit that to her because of my fear of rejection!  I remember picking her up that night spending an amazing evening at both prom and after prom and then returning to her house where we watched a movie and decided to make breakfast for her whole family with her sister and her friends who were there.  It seemed like an amazing night to “make my move” and ask her out so I gave it a shot.  I found myself uttering the words, “I had a really great time tonight and I wanted to see if you wanted to go on a date next weekend” as we put the finishing touches on breakfast.  She politely looked back at me and said “Thanks, I had a really good time to, but I already have a boyfriend.”  I was so taken back that I didn’t know what to say!  I mean we had just shared an amazing night full of love, dancing, and moments (at least I thought we had) only to find out that she already had a boyfriend.  My confusion quickly turned to anger as I found myself driving back home with a broken heart and several confusion emotions.  The truth of this exchange demonstrated that I was “in love” with her, while she was clearly not “in love” with me.  Basically my immature thinking, combined with culture’s overpowering relational messages, affected me to the point that I felt like I had to have a girlfriend.  I was obsessed with a girl I barely knew and who was clearly not interested in me!

While it is a little painful to recall this scenario from my past, it helped me to understand how easy it is to find ourselves tangled up in the confusing state of relationships or love.  So many times in our lives we distort the definition of “love” because we believe that we will be made complete once we are in a relationship or find true love.  However, the truth remains that regardless of how many earthly relationships that we seek out, create, or maintain the only real relationship that will mold our hearts fully and completely in our personal relationship with Jesus.  So with that thought in mind, what relationship are you focusing on?  Is that relationship drawing your closer or further away from God?  As you take a few moments to examine your own heart, my prayer is that your relationship with God will begin to flourish this Lenten season.

Are You Answering the Call?

                This past Sunday, one of our pastors preached a sermon entitled, Grace in Action, which focused on our need as Christians to respond to God’s call in our lives.  It was a challenging message where our family began to think about more ways that we could respond to God’s call in our lives and help build our local church along with God’s Kingdom.

            As I was listening to one of his illustrations I was reminded of my own “call story.”  I was sixteen and had followed a pretty girl to church camp that summer.  It was the first time that I had decided to go to camp but I have to admit that my motives were not in the right place.  I thought I could spend a week with my girlfriend and everything would be alright, however God had others plans for me during this week.  Shortly after arriving I formed a good relationship with another student in my cabin, Andre, who helped me through this week in several ways.  One evening he told me about the commitment night service that would be happening the next day.  We would be given opportunities to accept Christ for the first time, make a rededication, or accept a call to ministry.  As he shared these thoughts I began to think through what my response would be the following evening.  I had accepted Christ two years previous, wasn’t sensing a call to ministry so a rededication was where I landed.  I knew that I had made some poor decisions in my faith journey and felt like I could solve those with a rededication.  The following evening something happened to me that I still can’t explain any other way than an act of God.  The time in the service came for us to make our decisions but when the opportunity for a rededication hit, I could not stand up from my seat.  I found myself trying to get up but I couldn’t move.  I began to become uneasy but then thought, “Well maybe I’m alright with everything so I’ll just hang out here.”  However, the next words that left the speakers mouth pierced my heart, when he said, “If you feel like God may be calling you into ministry, please stand.”  I was the first one who stood up in the auditorium and I remember looking down at Andre who was sitting next to me and said, “What the heck did I just do?”  He looked back at me and said, “I don’t know but I’m glad it’s you and not me!”  I made my way to the chapel to pray with a pastor and everything in my life changed from that point on.  I found myself giving up on some personal dreams that I had to follow God’s leading.  I found myself learning more about my faith, God, and the Bible so I could teach the next generation.  I found myself amazed that God provided for me throughout my collegiate journey both financially and with my studies.  I found myself sure that God was leading me into full-time youth ministry.  After seven years of serving students that same dream that hit me in North Webster, Indiana years ago is still driving my life and forming who I am in Christ.

            As I began to tie these items together in my mind, I wondered about how many of our church members feel when they begin to serve in ministry or sense a “call” to ministry.  If you are anything like me you might feel unprepared, ill-equipped, or just plain nervous.  There are numerous apprehensions that drive us away from serving and growing in our own faith.  But here is the amazing thing about having these feelings, they are perfectly normal!  If you turn through the pages of the Bible you will discover several examples of when God called the ordinary, uneducated, or “lacking” people to serve Him in a mighty way.  God guided them through many tests and trials, all the while seeking to bless others through their work.    I was reminded of this as I recently read the words of Andy Stanley in his book Deep and Wide as he talked about God’s response to our feelings of inadequacy.  “In other words, ‘Just bring me what you do have and I’ll work with that.  Bring me your limited education, your lack of experience, along with your fear and insecurity, and watch what I can do.’”  If you feel as though God could not possibly use you to serve in the church think about the blessings that you can receive or others can receive through you.  I promise that you will be truly amazed at what God can accomplish through you if you follow the call. 

            One final thought is that as you serve in ministry, you will see your own personal relationship with God strengthened.  Andy Stanley states, “Ministry forces us to be consciously dependent on God, and thus our faith is strengthened.”  As we lean into God to guide us through our service our own faith will grow and mature.

            So my challenge this week is how is calling you to serve in ministry?  What opportunities or gifts have you been trying to hide that you could use to glorify God more?  What steps can you take this week or month to begin serving God in a new and fresh way?